


Summer of Change

by drbeyne



Series: A Friend Request [3]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Menopause, Middle-aged Sidlotte
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25933669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drbeyne/pseuds/drbeyne
Summary: This is the third part of my middle-aged Sidlotte story that began with 'A Friend Request' and then continued with 'Coralie.'  We come back to Sidney and Charlotte 18 months after we last left them.  Something's not right with Charlotte.  How will they both cope?
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker
Series: A Friend Request [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802758
Comments: 196
Kudos: 154





	1. New York

“I have a surprise for you,” said Sidney.

“Really?” replied Charlotte, who had been dozing on the sofa.

“Yes. A long weekend in New York for your birthday!”

Charlotte looked at him. He seemed so excited and hopeful, she didn’t want to burst his bubble but, oh, she was so tired… The thought of a big trip seemed like just too much effort.

“I’m going to be 53, it’s not really a birthday that warrants much celebration.”

“I thought you could do with a treat. And it means we can see Coralie. You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

Charlotte smiled. She would like to see Coralie, yes. For her, she would make the effort. A trip like this would normally have filled her with excitement. Charlotte said to herself: it’s a trip to New York, somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. It’s only a few days. Get a grip. Soldier on and it might be fun. She sat up and smiled, “Thank you, Sidney. It’s a lovely surprise.”

Sidney was pleased with his wife’s reaction but not totally convinced. Charlotte wasn’t quite right. He knew she was missing Coralie, but it wasn’t just that. Was she working too hard? All that cleaning and cooking and being nice to guests. But she had always worked hard, so why was she finding it so tiring now? It seemed to Sidney like everything was an effort for her, including being with him. That made him feel uneasy. Was she going off him? He couldn’t bear to think that. Perhaps she just needed a change of scene. He would spoil her, they would see Coralie and everything would be fine.

A few weeks later, Charlotte and Sidney stepped off the plane at JFK airport in New York. The early summer heat hit Charlotte immediately, like walking into a hot wet cloud. Moments later, she was shivering in the air-conditioned airport terminal, standing in the queue for immigration. She felt so tired she thought her legs would give way. Sidney tried to keep her spirits up, talking about the flight, the hotel, the plans for the weekend - but she was only half listening. All Charlotte wanted to do was get to the hotel, slip between the sheets and sleep. Not that she would sleep, she knew that. If she could, then she wouldn’t be so tired, so irritable. 

At long last, they were in a yellow taxi cab, crawling towards their hotel in downtown Manhattan. Sidney had chosen the hotel and had, in fact, done all the planning. Charlotte had seemed happy for him to take charge, which wasn’t like her. The driver was keeping Sidney occupied with a constant flow of conversation. Usually it would have been Charlotte chatting away, interested in the driver’s life story, his family and life in New York - but now she was leaving it to Sidney. 

Charlotte stared out of the taxi window, ignoring the driver’s incessant chatter. She was getting her first glimpse of the city and it looked exactly like she had imagined. The crowds of people, the traffic, the honking of car horns. It looked exciting. If she could just have a good rest in the hotel, maybe she could enjoy herself later.

The hotel room was spacious, with a kingsize bed and floor to ceiling windows offering a view of the surrounding tall buildings. 

“What would you like to do now?” said Sidney, as he finished the unpacking. 

“I just need a lie down. We can go out for dinner later.”

“It’s best to keep going. If you sleep now, you won’t be able to sleep tonight,” Sidney said with a frown.

“I won’t be able to sleep tonight anyway,” Charlotte snapped.

Sidney held his hands up. “Ok, I’m sorry. I just thought it might be nice to explore the area a bit. We’ve only got a few days, after all.”

“You go. You can tell me about it later,” said Charlotte, curling up under the sheets.

Sidney remembered a time when Charlotte would have invited him to come to bed with her, that naughty glint in her eye promising an afternoon in bed with no sleep involved. But Charlotte had curled herself up in such a way that repelled any advances he might make. 

Sidney let himself out of the room, went down in the lift and out into the warm humid streets. He wandered around, looking in the shop windows, reading restaurant menus. He felt aimless. Without Charlotte, it all seemed pointless. He wanted to share this with her. He’d been a fool to think that all they needed was to get away and everything would be better; they had simply brought their problems with them. He returned to their room. She was still lying on her side, whether asleep or just resting, he couldn’t tell. He pulled out a book and, sitting by the window, tried to read.

Around 6 o’clock Sidney gave Charlotte a little shake, and said, “Do you want to go and get some dinner?”

Charlotte grunted and opened her eyes. She still felt exhausted, but she swung her legs out of bed and stood up. “I need a shower first.”

In the large ensuite, she unzipped her toiletries bag and realised she had forgotten to bring both her toothbrush and her deodorant. She could see them still sitting by the bathroom sink at home, waiting to be packed. She burst into tears. Sidney, hearing her crying through the half-open door, burst in. “What is it?”

“I forgot to pack my toothbrush and deodorant,” Charlotte replied, tears falling down her face.

“Oh no! It’s a disaster,” he said, laughing despite himself.

“Don’t patronise me!”

“Sorry,” said Sidney, backing off. “Use mine for now and we’ll get some more for you later.”

Showered and dressed, Charlotte looked at herself in the mirror and frowned. She looked old. Her hair was flat, her skin dry and her stomach had ballooned. She felt - wrong. Turning round, she saw Sidney, so handsome in a white shirt and dark chinos. He just grew more into his good looks as he got older, Charlotte thought, and any semblance of beauty she once had, was deserting her almost by the hour.

“You look lovely,” said Sidney smiling at her.

“No I don’t. I look fat.”

“Just more of you for me to love.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. You idiot, he said to himself, seeing the hurt on her face. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong…”

“Whatever.”

They left the room in silence and went down in the lift.

“I booked us a table at a restaurant nearby,” said Sidney. “It looks good, I hope you like it.”

Although Charlotte had just had a cool shower, she felt instantly sweaty as they stepped outside into the muggy evening. As they walked the few blocks over, she felt her neck sopping and her dress stick to her back. Inside the large modern restaurant, the air conditioning was a relief, but she still felt uncomfortable. A beautiful young waitress with perfect glowing skin, led them to a table towards the back. “Hi, how are you doing this evening? My name’s Candy, and I’ll be your server tonight,” she began. “Our specials today are….” and off she went, listing dishes, how they were cooked, what they came with… Charlotte lost track immediately. How was she supposed to remember any of this? Candy was looking at her expectantly.

“Sorry?” said Charlotte.

“Candy just asked us what we’d like to drink,” said Sidney.

“What are you having?”

“I thought we could have a bottle of wine. Wouldn’t you like to choose? You’re the expert after all.”

“No, you choose,” said Charlotte, opening her menu and staring at the pages of dishes. Sidney sent Candy away while they chose. 

“I can’t remember what any of those specials were, can you?” said Sidney, leaning across the table conspiratorially.

“Nope. Anyway, she was only telling you. I’m the invisible older woman.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at you, handsome, cool, as if it wasn’t 100 degrees outside. Of course she’s only going to be interested in you. Whereas I’m fat and dowdy and old. She’s probably wondering what on earth you’re doing with me.”

“Charlotte!” said Sidney appalled, but couldn’t continue as Candy was back ready to take their orders. 

“Oh, I’ll just have the steak,” said Sidney, distracted. “Medium rare.”

“I’ll have that too,” said Charlotte, unable to choose anything herself.

“And a bottle of house red.”

Once Candy was gone, Sidney reached for Charlotte’s hand. “What’s going on?” he said softly.

Charlotte’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know.”

“Do you think you’re - depressed?” Sidney said, tentatively.

“What have I got to be depressed about?” she replied with a weak smile.

Candy returned with the wine and went to pour Sidney a small amount to taste, but he waved his hand and said, “Just pour us both a glass.”

When she had gone, Charlotte said, “I’m just so tired. If I could sleep… I’m sorry I’m so useless.”

Sidney squeezed her hand. “You’re not useless, you're just exhausted. How about after we’ve eaten, we go find a chemist, buy you your things and see if they have anything to help you sleep.”

“I’ve tried everything already.”

“But, who knows, there might be something over here you haven’t tried. And then we can go back to our room and find some crappy sitcom to watch in bed until you fall asleep.”

Charlotte smiled gratefully at him. “That sounds perfect.”

The rest of the meal was eaten mainly in silence, but it felt to both of them that they had reached a fragile peace. After Sidney paid the bill, they found a drugstore that was still open and while Charlotte wandered the aisles, Sidney picked up toothbrush, deodorant, a handheld fan, a pack of wet wipes and all the sleep aids the saleswoman had to offer.

Back in the room, Sidney handed over the pack of tablets that the chemist had recommended and fetched Charlotte a glass of water. They both clambered into the enormous bed and Sidney flicked through the hundreds of channels until he came to an episode of Seinfeld that was just starting. It was one of their favourite episodes and Sidney could sense Charlotte relaxing into the pillows as she watched. When he heard a soft laugh - a sound he hadn’t heard in a long time - he reached over and linked his little finger with hers. That she didn’t pull away, felt like a victory. Where he had once hoped this trip would reignite their sex life, he found himself now simply overjoyed to have his finger wrapped around hers.


	2. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although a lot of you clearly know what's going on for Charlotte, I'm afraid it's going to take a bit longer before she and Sidney understand.

Sidney woke up before Charlotte. Whether it was due to the long day, the sleeping aid or the slight thaw between them, she seemed to have slept all through the night. Not wanting to disturb her by getting out of bed, he reached for his phone and scrolled through his emails looking for news on his latest venture. Old Roger Denham, the other big property owner in Sanditon besides the Parkers, had died and a number of his properties were being sold off. Sidney had put in an offer with the intention of turning the buildings into affordable environmentally-sustainable flats with space for much-needed community facilities. He had the support of a number of local councillors, who were thankful that Sidney had the needs of local people in mind, rather than simply wanting to make a quick profit. There was an email from Councillor John Sutton, with the disturbing subject: ‘Counter-bid’:

Sidney,  
I know you’re away but I thought you should know that the Denham estate has received a counter-bid which is apparently significantly higher than yours. It is subject to planning approval so has not yet been accepted. I will try and find out more as to who is behind the bid and what their plans are for the property and let you know.  
Kind regards  
John 

Damn, thought Sidney, but there was nothing he could do until he had more information. He felt Charlotte waking up, so put his phone down and turned to her.

“Happy birthday,” he said as she stretched.

“Did I sleep?”

“I think you did. How do you feel?”

Charlotte wanted to say she felt fantastic and was ready to jump out of bed, but, in fact, she felt groggy and leaden. 

“I feel - tired. But happy that I slept.”

“How about breakfast in bed then? I’ll call room service.” Charlotte smiled and sank back into her pillows.

Sidney ordered pancakes and syrup, coffee and orange juice. With sugar and caffeine swirling around in her veins, Charlotte began to feel a little energy return. 

“What are we doing today then?” she asked.

“A boat trip to the Statue of Liberty, West Side Story matinee and dinner with Coralie,” said Sidney getting out of bed.

“Sounds amazing,” she said out loud, but inside she worried how she would manage such a full day.

“It’s your birthday. And that’s why I’ve got you this,” he returned with a small box-shaped present, wrapped in gold paper and tied up with blue ribbon.

He watched as Charlotte unwrapped and lifted the lid of the box inside.

“Oh, Sidney,” she breathed, picking up the necklace from within. It was a chain of white gold, from which hung little bunches of grapes created from drops of amethyst 

“Do you like it? I had it designed and made specially for you.” 

“It’s - perfect. But, I don’t deserve all this. I’ve been horrible to live with and you’re giving me this trip, this beautiful necklace…” Her eyes filled with tears. _Not again_ she thought. _Why do I keep wanting to cry?_

She looked so forlorn sitting there in the bed. Sidney wanted to just pull her into his arms and shower her with kisses, but he knew somehow she didn’t want this. Instead he gently brushed the tears from her eyes and said, “You deserve every lovely thing I can give you.”

She looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

“Now, shall we get up and go see that skyline you’ve always wanted to see?”

Charlotte nodded and headed off to the bathroom to get ready.

When she was dressed, she stood in front of the mirror, handed Sidney her new necklace and said, “Would you put it on for me?” She pulled up her hair so he could attach the clasp around her neck. He stood behind her and as he fitted the clasp, he couldn’t help himself, he planted a gentle kiss on the side of her neck. Charlotte tensed up and the immediate rejection felt like a kick in Sidney’s stomach. He stepped back and Charlotte let her hair drop back down. 

As they both looked in the mirror, Charlotte could see the hurt in Sidney’s face and felt sick with guilt. She knew that Sidney wanted her, but was doing his best not to let it show. She felt so dry, so sore, down below, the thought of any intimacy just made her shudder. At the same time, she missed the former closeness they had. But she didn’t want to lead him on by hugging or kissing him and she couldn’t bring herself to tell him how she felt. She hoped he would just somehow understand. And last night when they had simply hooked fingers, it had felt like he did understand what she needed and all that she could give.

They set off, walking down towards Battery Park, where they would catch the ferry to take them to the Statue of Liberty. It was still unbelievably humid and Charlotte could feel her body perspiring after just a few steps. It was then that Sidney passed her one of the wet wipes he had bought the previous evening. “More birthday presents?” said Charlotte, gratefully wiping her face and neck. 

"Yep. And here’s one more,” he said handing over the little handheld fan he had also bought.

“You are amazing,” said Charlotte, turning it on. 

Sidney was pleased he had managed to do something right and ventured a little joke. “Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered with the jeweller, just bought you the fan and wipes,” he said.

“Oh, no, I love my necklace,” said Charlotte fingering it with her other hand. 

“Good. It really suits you too,” said Sidney.

As they walked, the buildings seemed to grow taller and taller around them. At one point, Charlotte stopped and looked up. She felt very small and insignificant in comparison with the skyscrapers that soared above her. She felt suddenly overwhelmed and instinctively she grabbed Sidney’s hand, like she would grasp a lifebuoy to stop from drowning. Surprised, Sidney took this as a sign of affection and quickly interlaced his fingers in hers. And so they walked hand in hand, each holding on to the other, so they didn’t disappear. 

The walk to the ferry terminal wasn’t long, but Charlotte was exhausted by the time they were sat on the boat. As the boat pulled away, the skyline rose up, looking exactly like it did in all the films and photos she had ever seen. Charlotte thought: _why aren’t I more thrilled by this? And why am I so tired? I thought if I could sleep, I’d feel fine again, but I feel just the same._ In fact she felt worse, as now, on top of the fatigue, she could feel her heart pounding. It sounded so loud, she was surprised no one else could hear it. Maybe it was just the heat, although Sidney’s constant supply of wet wipes, coupled with the fan, had managed to keep the humidity bearable.

As the boat approached the Statue of Liberty, she could see swarms of people wandering around its base. She hadn’t realised it was quite so enormous. “Do you want to get off?” said Sidney. Charlotte shook her head. “We could go to Ellis Island instead?” he said, hopefully. 

Again Charlotte shook her head. “Do you mind if we just stay on the boat? I don’t think I can cope with all those crowds.”

“Of course, whatever you want. It’s your birthday, after all.”

When they arrived back in Battery Park, Charlotte said, “I’m sorry, I need to go back to the hotel for a bit before we go out again.”

“Still tired? But you slept last night.”

Charlotte shrugged. 

Sidney sighed and said, “Let’s get a taxi then.”

Back in the room, Sidney ordered them a couple of sandwiches from room service and Charlotte got back into bed. Sidney looked at her curled up under the covers and felt himself despair. He had been hopeful when she had slept and then when she had loved her presents and even moreso when she had taken his hand - but now they seemed as far apart as ever. Where had his open, funny, clever wife gone? And who was this sad, listless, closed-off woman who had replaced her?

The afternoon wasn’t much better. Charlotte cried as she watched West Side Story unfold. Sidney could have kicked himself for choosing a musical with such a sad ending. They had been to see the film during their honeymoon in Paris - one rainy afternoon in an old fleapit cinema - and he had wanted to remind Charlotte of happier times. However, in her present mood, something funny and uplifting would have been more suitable. At least, once it was over they would see Coralie and she would cheer Charlotte up. 

Coralie arrived at the restaurant and was shocked at Charlotte’s appearance. She hadn’t seen her, except on skype ,for over a year. Now, seeing her in the flesh, Coralie was struck by Charlotte’s pale face and the dark circles under her eyes. The smile that Charlotte gave her, though, was as wide as ever, even if her eyes didn’t have the sparkle they used to.

“It is so good to see you,” said Charlotte hugging her. She then pulled away and said, “Look at you! You’re quite the sophisticated city girl now.”

And indeed, Coralie did look different. Older, taller somehow, like she had grown into herself. She held herself with a confident poise now. Charlotte felt provincial and old in comparison. They sat down and Coralie said, “Happy birthday! I got you this,” and she handed over a present wrapped in shiny red paper. Charlotte removed the paper and found a book written by a Caribbean winegrower. 

“Oh, how thoughtful,” said Charlotte, her eyes filling with tears.

Coralie, disturbed by the reaction her present had provoked, glanced at Sidney, a question in her eyes. He gave a small shake of the head in response.

“How are your vines doing?” asked Coralie.

“Two more years till we can harvest any grapes,” said Charlotte. “But so far, so good.”

A waiter came over and took their drink orders. “What do chic young New Yorkers drink?” Sidney asked Coralie and she laughed but chose them all strawberry daiquiris. 

When the drinks arrived, they all clinked glasses and wished Charlotte, happy birthday. 

“You’re both being very kind but really, 53 is not a birthday worth celebrating. It’s making me feel very old.”

“53’s not old,” said Coralie. “There’s a woman in the office who’s 53 and she runs marathons.”

“Good for her,” said Charlotte with a touch of bitterness.

“Age doesn’t really mean anything,” continued Coralie, ignoring the warning looks Sidney was throwing at her. “It’s all about how you feel and how you behave. You don't act old, Charlotte, and you’re still so open to new things…” Charlotte stopped listening as Coralie continued in this vein. Only someone who was 22 could speak so authoritatively on the subject of age, thought Charlotte. She was going to be a great lawyer, it felt like she was trying to reduce Charlotte’s age through argument alone.

Noticing Charlotte’s absent expression, Sidney quickly changed the subject. 

“So Jenny tells me she’s visiting you next week. What have you got planned for her?”

“Walking tour of Harlem, African art at the Met and a show at the Apollo Theatre.”

“Her education continues then?”

“Actually I think I’ve created a bit of a monster. She knows more about the history of the Caribbean than I do now and it’s her who’s planned what we’re doing.”

“I can’t believe you two are such good friends now,” said Sidney.

“I know! It’s bizarre. I think when she decided to like me, she was so enthusiastic that I had to give in.” Coralie laughed.

“That’s Jenny for you. She’s an unstoppable force. If it wasn’t for her, Charlotte and I might not have got together.” He looked at his wife who rewarded him with a small smile.

They talked about Coralie's traineeship with the human rights law firm Crowe had found for her. As she told them about the training she was taking, the issues she was studying, the friends she was making, her eyes shone with excitement and energy. Charlotte felt a stab of envy. She wished she could be so young and feel all the potential of a life still to be lived. 

The restaurant filled up with an array of smartly dressed people, all talking loudly in sharp New York accents. Charlotte again felt like a country mouse in the midst of all this sophistication. When it came to choosing a dessert, Coralie said, “I’ve already ordered us something.” And as if on cue, Charlotte heard the sounds of ‘Happy Birthday’ being sung and two waiters bearing a cake approached their table. Everyone in the restaurant turned to look and to applaud. Charlotte couldn’t bear all these eyes on her and shrank against the wall trying to make herself inconspicuous. Her heart started beating loudly again, like it had on the boat, but now her stomach felt like it contained a swarm of insects trying to beat their way out. Coralie turned to Charlotte, expecting to see a smile of delight on her face and, instead, was confronted by a terrified, cowering woman. She looked desperately at Sidney, who said firmly to the waiters, “That’s fine, just leave the cake there.” The two men, confused, abruptly stopped singing and backed off.

“I am so sorry, Charlotte, I thought it would be fun to surprise you with a cake,” said Coralie.

“Don’t be sorry.” Charlotte smiled weakly. “It was a lovely idea. I just… I don’t know what came over me.”

“Won’t you blow your candles out?” said Sidney with a worried smile. “And make a wish.”

Charlotte closed her eyes and wished fervently that she could feel normal again. Opening them again and seeing Sidney’s and Coralie’s eyes, she seemed to see her wish reflected in them. She blew her candles out and Sidney cut them all a slice of cake.

“It’s still quite early,” said Coralie. “There’s a nice bar near here, I’ve found. It plays music later. Shall we go after we’ve finished here?”

Charlotte said, “I think I’d like to go back to the hotel. But why don’t you both go? You don’t need me.”

Sidney would have liked nothing more than to carry on to the bar with Coralie but said instead, “It’s your birthday, I’m not letting you go back alone.” Turning to Coralie, he said, “But we’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course.”


	3. At the bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the very sad chapters although there are a few bumps to come. But you can't have the highs without the lows, in life and in stories.

On their last day in New York, Sidney had planned a trip up the Empire State Building, a walk round Central Park and a visit to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. However, given Charlotte’s state of exhaustion, he changed the plan to brunch and a bus tour of New York. 

“You’re not wearing your necklace. Do you want me to help you put it on?” Sidney asked before they went out.

“No. I don’t want to lose it. It’s safer in the room.”

“It’s meant for wearing, you know.”

“I’d feel horrible if I lost it. I can look at it in its box.”

Sidney gave her a puzzled look, but didn't say anything.

They met Coralie at a nearby deli. Charlotte ordered coffee and french toast, hoping they would give her some energy. But instead, they made her feel worse, exacerbating the feeling that her heart was racing and her stomach had been invaded by a swarm of fluttery insects. 

After they had eaten, they made their way to the tour bus and climbed up to the open-air deck. With three of them, it wasn’t clear who should sit next to who, but Charlotte said, “Why don’t you two sit together. I’m happy to just sit on my own and listen to the commentary on my headphones.” She walked to the front on the bus and sat down.  
Sidney frowned at her retreating back but sat down with Coralie, a few rows behind.

“What’s going on with Charlotte?” Coralie immediately asked.

“Honestly? I have no idea.”

“I am so sorry about the cake fiasco last night. I thought she’d love it.”

“She would have done normally, but lately, she’s like a different person.”

“When I think of those pictures of her outside the detention centre, shouting into the megaphone... and then I see her now…” Coralie shook her head and sighed.

The bus set off, but neither of them put their headphones on. 

“Do you think she’s depressed?” said Coralie.

“I asked her that, but she just said, what could she have to be depressed about.”

“I don’t think depression necessarily works like that, does it? It doesn’t have to be about something specific, isn't it just like an illness?”

Sidney shrugged. “It’s not really something I know anything about. I hate to think that living with me has made her depressed. We’ve been married less than two years and look how she’s changed.”

Coralie put her hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze. “I know I gave you a hard time when we first met... 

“With good reason,” Sidney interjected.

“...and then with the arrest and everything…”

“Which I still have nightmares about,”

“... but I know you better now and you’re a good person. Charlotte loves you…”

“She did once…”

“... and she still does. I think there’s something else going on. Has she been to the doctor?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Well, take her as soon as you get back and get this all sorted.”

“I will,” said Sidney. 

Charlotte, headphones firmly in her ears, could hear nothing except the voice of the guide informing her about the sights they were passing. It was soothing not having to think, just to listen and to look. It was the most relaxing two hours she had spent in months. When it was time to get off, Sidney was surprised to see Charlotte actually smiling at him. “Thank you, Sidney, I loved that. I didn’t want it to end.”

Seized by a sudden inspiration, he said, “We’ve only done downtown. We could do the uptown tour as well.”

“Really, you don’t mind?”

“Of course not.”

So the three of them got off the bus and climbed straight onto another one and set off again.

“I’m sorry Coralie, this is probably the last thing you want to do,” said Sidney when Charlotte was again ensconced at the front and they were further back.

Coralie shrugged. “If it makes her happy.”

Sidney had a sudden image of his nieces and nephew when they were little, letting them go on the same ride over and over again at the fairground, because every time they got off they cried. He had ended up treating Charlotte like he would a small child. What did that say about the state of their marriage?

When the second bus tour was over, Charlotte and Sidney hugged Coralie good-bye, promising they’d see her when she returned to London for the start of her law degree. As they were walking back to the hotel Charlotte said, “Did you have a good chat with Coralie?”

“I did, yes. But you didn’t spend much time with her.”

“It was more important that you did. I’m not much company.”

Sidney frowned at her, but said nothing.

When they arrived at their hotel, Sidney said, “I suppose you’re going to want a rest before it’s time for dinner. I think I’ll stay down here and catch up on emails. Come and find me when you’re ready.”  
Charlotte gave him a sad nod and headed for the lift, while Sidney made his way to the bar. It was empty except for a barman wiping glasses. Sidney ordered a beer, sat himself on a barstool and opened his phone. Amongst the various work related emails was one from Councillor John Sutton:

Hi Sidney  
I’ve found out more about the counterbid. It’s from a company called Campion Estates. Seems they’re a London-based firm so I don’t know why they’d be interested in property in Sanditon. They want to turn the Denham properties into luxury flats and are offering the council a sweetener in the form of a promise to build 75 low-cost flats. I’ve been putting out feelers and it seems a number on the planning committee are being dazzled by the prospect of Sanditon becoming a luxury destination.  
Can we meet as soon as your back?   
Kind regards  
John

Who on earth were Campion Estates? thought Sidney. It was madness to build luxury flats in Sanditon. It just wasn’t that kind of town. It needed inexpensive housing and, although 75 low-cost flats would be very welcome, he knew that these sorts of promises often weren’t fulfilled. He did a search for Campion Estates and found their website: ‘We are a luxury property company based in Central London, developing and managing a number of select and beautiful properties in the most exclusive parts of the capital…’ The blurb was accompanied by photos of stylish shops and opulent townhouses. He continued to read through the site, trying to work out what the connection was with Sanditon. It still wasn’t obvious so he continued the search, reading whatever google could provide until finally he came to an article from ten years ago, entitled: ‘Meet the woman behind up-and-coming property firm, Campion Estates’. He clicked on the link and up came a photo of…. his ex-wife. 

Heart thudding, Sidney started reading the article: ‘Eliza Campion, 41, heiress and wife of businessman, Edward Campion, meets us in her opulent Mayfair drawing room. Beneath a sparkling chandelier we sip tea, brought to us by a maid dressed in black…’

Sidney realised that if he was going to read anymore of this, he was going to need something stronger than beer. He raised his head and called to the bartender, “Scotch, please. Better make it a double.”

A woman was sitting at the bar. He hadn’t noticed her before, he had been too absorbed in his reading. “Bad news, honey?” she drawled. “You’ve been sitting there, frowning into your phone for ages now.”

The woman was stunning. Long blond hair fell in waves around her exquisite face. Big blue eyes, an expensive tan and a turquoise silk blouse that revealed a generous cleavage. The barman brought over his drink and Sidney said, “Care to join me?”

“Sure, I’ll have the same.” The bartender brought her a double scotch and Sidney raised his glass to her and then took a big swallow.

The woman nodded at the phone and said, “You going to tell me what you were reading?”

Sidney shook his head. “Let’s just say, a business deal has gone wrong and an unwelcome person from my past is behind it.”

“Very mysterious. Is it a woman?”

“Why do you ask?”

“You look like the sort of man who gets into a lot of trouble with women.” She twirled a strand of hair round her finger and looked at him with those big eyes.

Normally when women flirted with him, Sidney acted cool and retreated, but in his present mood he welcomed it. It was good to feel he hadn’t lost his touch. With Charlotte constantly rejecting him, he was starting to feel somewhat diminished. He’d never cheat on her, but a flirty conversation with an attractive woman wouldn’t hurt, would it? 

“You have no idea the trouble I’ve had,” he said, raising an eyebrow and leaning in. 

The woman gave a deep-throated laugh. “I’m Melissa,” she said holding out her hand.

“Sidney,” he replied, shaking her hand. “Pleased to meet you.” Melissa gave his hand an extra squeeze.

They sat and chatted, and had another drink together. She was from Atlanta and in town for a conference. They talked about this, that and nothing; neither mentioned spouses or children. They were sitting closer together and laughing. Sidney was thinking how nice it was to talk to a woman who liked being with him, when he noticed someone familiar in the corner of his eye. It was Charlotte, standing just beyond the lifts, watching them. He saw her turn and jab frantically at the lift button.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait!” called Sidney, before turning to Melissa and muttering, I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“See you around, Sidney,” Melissa said, as he rushed after his wife.

Sidney arrived before Charlotte managed to get back in the lift. 

“Charlotte, where are you going?”

She turned to him, her eyes full with tears. “Are you going to leave me?”

“What? No!” 

“That woman’s very beautiful,” Charlotte said, in a small voice.

“We were just talking.” Sidney felt shame wash through him. How could he have done anything to hurt Charlotte? He took her hand and led her to a small table and chairs in the lobby. “Charlotte, please sit down.” They sat, Charlotte looking down, picking at a fold in her skirt. “I’m not leaving you. Now or ever, ok?”

She nodded.

“But, can I say something?” 

Charlotte looked up at him. 

Sidney went on, “It feels like you’re leaving me...” She shook her head. “... like you’re floating away from me and I can’t reach you.”

“I’m sorry,” she said softly. 

He looked at her, searching for the courage to ask the question to which he feared the answer. “Is it me? Don’t you want to be with me anymore?”

She looked back at him, her eyes wet with tears. “It’s not you, Sidney. Please don’t think that. It’s me, I just don’t feel right.”

He felt relief that he wasn’t the cause, but was worried as to what the cause might be.

“Do you think that maybe, when we get back, we should take you to the doctor?” he said, concern filling his dark eyes.

“You think I’m sick?”

He took her hand in his and said, “I don’t know. I just want you back. I miss how we were, I miss our closeness, that sense that we could do anything if we were together.” He paused and then said simply, “I miss you.” 

Charlotte was silent for a moment and then she whispered, “I miss me too.”


	4. Friends

The following day, Sidney and Charlotte flew back home. Sidney had not mentioned anything about the property bid, he knew it would be too much for Charlotte to deal with. She didn’t even comment on the amount of time he was spending studying his phone. He missed her nudging him and asking him what was wrong, sensitive to his mood, anxious to help. Instead, she sat next to him, staring into space, in a world of her own, while he read up on his ex-wife in preparation for the weeks ahead. 

From what he could gather, Eliza Campion had recently become a widow. Maybe this was why she was turning her attention to Sanditon; a return to her hometown, back to her roots. Did this mean he was going to have to see her again? They hadn’t met since their divorce, over 25 years ago. What would Charlotte say about that? He shook himself. Charlotte wasn’t going to say anything, because she wasn’t going to know, he’d make sure of that.

The following morning, Sidney said, “Shall I make you an appointment with the doctor?”

Charlotte sighed and said, “No, I’ll do it.”

“Are you going to do it now? You might be able to see someone today.”

“I should go and help Alison…”

“Charlotte, please. Make the call now.”

Charlotte made the call. Someone had just cancelled so they could see her that afternoon.

“I’m taking you,” Sidney said firmly.

Charlotte walked across the yard to the B&B and found her sister in the office.

“Good time?” said Alison.

“It was, um, nice.”

“Nice? That’s not a ringing endorsement.”

Charlotte started to cry. Alison leapt up and hugged her. “Oh love, what is it? Still not sleeping? Insomnia’s horrible. It makes everything so difficult.”

“Sidney thinks I’m depressed. He’s taking me to the doctor this afternoon.”

“And you? What do you think?”

“I don’t know. I don’t feel right, but I don’t know if it’s depression. I’ve always been on such an even keel, emotionally.”

“Dad used to get depressed, maybe it’s in the genes.”

“But he got depressed for good reasons; when the crop failed or he was worried about money. Lots of farmers suffer from depression. I've got a lovely life…”

“Still, no harm in having a chat with the doctor.”

Sidney drove Charlotte to the health centre. She refused his offer to come into the consultation with her, so he stayed in the waiting room when her name was called. The doctor was an older man, his grey hair combed straight back from his forehead, gold rimmed glasses framing steely blue eyes, which seemed already to be judging her.

“How are you today?” he said, looking at his computer screen.

“I’m, um, tired. I haven’t been sleeping.”

“Uh huh, anything else?”“I keep crying.”

“How’s your mood? Happy? Sad?”

“I don’t know. I feel, um, nervous…panicky...guilty.”

“Mm. Do you think you could be depressed?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m here.”

“Ok, well, let’s try you on a low dose antidepressant and see how you get on. It’ll take a few weeks to work, mind. I could sign you off work. Give you some time to rest.”

“I have my own business - with my sister - I don’t really need a...”

“See if you can cut down work for a bit. And make an appointment with the practice counsellor. There’s a waiting list, so best to get your name down now. Anything else?”

Charlotte shook her head. The doctor printed off a prescription and handed it over. “If things don’t improve after a month, come back and see us.”

Charlotte walked back into the waiting room. Sidney stood up when he saw her and they made their way to the car.

“Well?” said Sidney.

Charlotte waved the prescription and said “Antidepressants.”

“Ok...”

“Apparently they take a while to work.”

“We’d better go to the chemist, so you can start taking them as soon as possible.”

They stopped off at the chemist, collected the tablets, then Sidney dropped Charlotte off at home before driving over to Sanditon to meet up with Councillor John Sutton. As he drove, he pondered Charlotte’s diagnosis. He had asked her if she was depressed, because he couldn’t think what else it could be. But that didn’t mean he wanted it to be true. And it seemed so out of character. But then, he thought ruefully, what did he know? He wasn’t a doctor, he was a property developer - and his thoughts turned to the meeting ahead.

He met John in the Meeting Place cafe on the front. They shook hands, ordered coffee and then took a table outside.   
“It looks like Campion Estates really mean business,” said John, taking a brochure out of his briefcase. “Have a look at this.”  
Sidney took the glossy leaflet and read: ‘A New Vision for Sanditon.’ he scanned through the blurb. ‘.... Luxury development… seaside glamour...high-end retail…’ Then the following: ‘The Parker family, who have contributed so much to the style and prosperity of Sanditon through the decades, have more recently lost their way. A focus on helping the poorer members of our community, while commendable, does not bring wealth to the town. Our vision will rectify this, making Sanditon the fashionable destination it was always meant to be.’  
Sidney slapped the paper down on the table.

“If you don’t mind me saying, it feels like a personal attack on you,” said John, looking at him with concern through his horn-rimmed glasses.

“Oh, it is.”

“You know the owner of Campion Estates?”

“Yes. My ex-wife.”

“Ah. And I take it you didn’t have an amicable divorce?”

“The divorce was fine, it was the marriage that wasn’t amicable.”

“I see.”

“She’s not going to get away with this!” Sidney’s jaw muscle started to twitch.

“I’m going to make sure their planning application is not dealt with behind closed doors,” said John. “I’ll request that it’s dealt with at an open planning committee. That’ll give us a few weeks. But we’re going to have to present some detailed, well-researched objections. I feel we’ve got quite a fight on our hands.”

They spent some time discussing what their next move was, before finally saying good-bye. Sidney’s first instinct was to rush home and talk it all through with Charlotte, but that wasn’t possible. He needed the counsel of good friends, he decided, and to that end he sent off a couple of texts. While waiting for replies, he thought a swim was in order. He hadn’t swum in the sea for a long time, but still had his trunks and a towel in the back of the car. It was a gorgeous day and the exercise would help clear his mind. After he had swum the length of the beach and back several times, he was feeling calmer and ready to take on Eliza and her ridiculous vision for Sanditon. As he stood on the sand, toweling himself down, a small dog came yapping towards him, followed by its owner. Abigail Evans was one of the pack of middle-aged Sanditon women that Jenny and Alicia had dubbed the ‘cheetahs’ - smartly dressed well-to-do women, with too much time on their hands,  
who enjoyed flirting outrageously with him.

“Sidney, darling, we haven’t seen you out here swimming for yonks.”

“Abigail,” said Sidney with a distinct lack of enthusiasm.

“I must say, we’ve missed the show! Your handsome torso ploughing through the waves used to give us girls quite the thrill.”  
Sidney bent down to pick up his shirt, which he then pulled over his head. Undeterred, Abigail continued, “In fact, I believe you stopped gracing our lovely beach when you met your wife to be. She obviously provided you with a more private form of exercise.” She tittered. “And yet now you’re back.”

“If you’re finished,” said Sidney, pulling on his trousers and starting to walk away.

“I’ll have to tell dear Eliza that I saw you,” Abigail called to his retreating back.

Sidney stopped and swung round to face her. “You know Eliza?”

“Of course I do. We were at school together. Well, I was a few years ahead of her but… Isn’t her plan for Sanditon marvellous?”

Sidney grunted. The calm he had felt after his swim had evaporated and he stomped back to the car, suddenly feeling irritated by the sticky feeling of salt on his skin. Before driving home, he checked his phone and was relieved to see two positive answers to his previous texts.

Back in Willingden, he jumped in the shower and washed off the salt before going to find Charlotte. She was sitting on one of the wrought iron chairs under the oak tree on the lawn. She had a book in her lap but wasn’t reading. Sidney dropped onto the other chair.

“Your hair’s wet,” said Charlotte.

“I went for a swim,”

“That’s nice,” she replied absently.

“Good book?”

“Don’t know, I can’t concentrate.”

“Did you speak to Alison about cutting down your hours?”

“She’s going to ask Agnes to cover for me till I feel better.”

“Thank goodness for Agnes. I like her a lot more than I ever did Marjorie.”

“You and me both.”

“Listen, Charlotte, I know this probably isn’t what you want, but I’ve invited Babbers and Esther, and Winston and Gloria here for lunch on Saturday.”

Charlotte looked panicked. “Really? I don’t…”

“They’re not coming for you. They’re coming because I need them. I need their advice.”

“With what?”

“It’s about work.”

“You used to tell me about work,” said Charlotte sadly.

“I know - and I will again - but at the moment you shouldn’t be concerning yourself with my problems.”

“I’m sorry I’m so useless. I should be there for you…”

“You have been and you will be. I’ll be fine. I just need to talk to our friends.”

“But what about lunch? I don’t think I can cook for so many…”

“I’m cooking.”

Charlotte looked surprised.

“Well, ok, Samuels’ Bakery is cooking,” he said with a smile. “I thought I’d get a couple of their quiches and I’m quite capable of rustling up a salad.”

“They’ll want to know why I haven’t cooked. What am I going to say…?”

“They are good friends, they accept us as we are. You don’t have to explain or to apologise. It’ll be fine.”

Charlotte started taking the antidepressants the next day. By the time Saturday came round she was feeling terrible. Not only was her heart still racing and her stomach fluttering, but now she felt shaky and very sick. Sidney had been looking forward to Charlotte taking the medication and turning back into the woman he knew, so was not prepared for this change for the worse. 

“It says here that there can be side-effects but that they should pass after a few weeks,” said Sidney reading the leaflet he found in the box of tablets.

“But I feel more anxious than I did before, if that’s even possible,” Charlotte groaned. “And now we’ve got visitors…”

“Stay here then and I’ll make your apologies.”

“But then they’ll think I’m being rude.”

“Then come,” said Sidney, exasperated. He was already becoming stressed by what was happening at work and was finding it hard to deal with Charlotte’s nerves as well.

Charlotte followed him out and watched as he set up a table in the yard. It was a warm summer’s day with a gentle breeze, perfect for sitting and eating outside. Sidney had put a couple of bottles of white wine in an ice bucket to chill and was bringing out plates and glasses, when they heard voices coming from round the side of the house.  
“This looks splendid!” cried Babbers, shaking Sidney heartily by the hand. He was followed by Esther, Winston and Gloria. “We found these two city-types loitering at the station,” he said with a grin. The four of them had met the previous year, when they had come to help plant the vines, and had become friends. There were handshakes and hugs. Gloria and Esther shared a worried glance when they saw Charlotte, who was quiet and pale and holding onto the back of a chair, as if that was the only thing holding her up. 

The rest of the lunch was soon brought out and served and glasses were filled. The couples naturally split into the men at one end of the table and the women at the other.

“So you asked me what I know about Campion Estates,” said Winston, after Sidney had filled Babbers in about what was happening. “I thought the name was familiar and I’ve been asking around and I was right. They’re a nasty outfit. They promise the earth in order to get planning permission and then submit reams of reports on why it won’t then be possible. And the social housing they do build is substandard, poky and badly-managed.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” said Sidney.

“And Eliza’s behind all this?” said Babbers.

“She certainly is.”

“Sidney’s ex-wife is a real piece of work,” said Babbers to Winston. “If you can imagine the exact opposite of Charlotte, then that’s her.”

Winston raised his eyebrows as he imagined a spiteful, dishonest, pitiless woman. “Can I ask you how much they’re offering for the site?” he said.

Sidney named an extortionate figure and Winston whistled. “I’m taking it you can’t match the bid.”

“There’s no way. And besides, it’s far more than the site’s worth. I can’t see how they’re planning to make any profit from it. And they're certainly not going to be able to build the low-cost housing they’ve promised.” Sidney took a swallow of wine. “So, housing advice expert, how do we stop them from getting planning permission?”

“You’re having the permission decided at a council meeting, aren’t you?”

“Yes, that’s already being sorted.”

“You’re going to need a dossier on the company, what they’ve done in the past, what they’ve promised, what they’ve delivered. I can help you locate some of the evidence. You should also meet with some of the housing campaigners in London, who have already tried to hold them to account…”

The conversation continued, the three men eating and drinking, discussing what needed to be done.

At the other end of the table, Gloria and Esther were doing most of the talking. Charlotte sipped from a glass of water, unable to stomach any food or wine. They worked their way through news of all their various children, and exclaimed over photos of Esther’s grandson who was now almost two. Finally, Gloria broached the subject that both she and Esther were most concerned about. “It’s good to see you, Charlotte. We haven’t heard from you in ages.”

Esther chimed in, “Yes, Charlotte, where have you been hiding?”

To their consternation, Charlotte burst into tears. Before the three men could notice what was happening, Gloria said, “Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

Gloria and Esther took one of Charlotte’s arms each and the three of them walked round the side of the house to the chairs under the oak tree.

“Now,” said Esther. “What’s going on?”

And Charlotte poured it all out, the lack of sleep, the exhaustion that didn’t go even when she had slept, the pounding heart, the butterflies, the panic, the tears, her lack of self-confidence, and the doctor’s diagnosis of depression.

“Do you mind if I ask you something personal?” said Gloria. “Have you experienced vaginal dryness?”

Charlotte stared at her. “How did you know?”

“Oh darling, it’s not depression, it’s the menopause,” said Gloria as Esther vigorously nodded her head.

“What do you mean?” said Charlotte looking at both women. “I thought the menopause meant hot flushes. I haven’t had any of them.”

“There are loads of symptoms,” said Esther. “I think I had them all. It was a bloody nightmare,”

“Did you?”

“And Babbers was useless. I don’t expect Sidney’s much better, is he?”

“He’s been very kind but... He just wants me to be back to normal again.”

“I suppose the doctor you saw was a man,” said Gloria and when Charlotte nodded, she went on, “Bloody male doctors, it happens all the time at the practice. They see a tearful middle-aged woman and prescribe antidepressants. You need to go back, ask to see a woman doctor and tell her you think you’re going through the menopause and ask for HRT.”

“I thought that was dangerous though. Doesn’t it give you breast cancer?”

“It can do, but the risks are a lot lower than they used to think. The GP will make sure you’re not in an at-risk group before prescribing it.”

“Oh god, HRT was a lifesaver,” said Esther. “Also there’s this amazing spa I went to that does these special sessions for menopausal women. It really helped sort my head out.”

Charlotte looked in wonder at her two friends. “The menopause…” she breathed. “It never occurred to me.”

“That’s because no one ever talks about it. It's like a secret club you didn’t know existed until you become a member,” said Esther. “How about you, Gloria. Are you in the club?” 

“Fully paid-up member.”

“But the menopause...” said Charlotte, still grappling with the idea. “Isn’t that the end of being a woman…”

“So what are we then?” said Esther. “Rabbits?”

Gloria laughed. “We’re all still women, Charlotte. It’s just our hormones readjusting themselves.” 

Esther stood up. “I’m going to get us some tea and I think I saw cake in the kitchen. You both want some, right?” She headed off back to the house, filled the kettle in the kitchen and then went out into the yard. The three men looked her way.

“Everything alright?” said Sidney with a worried look.

“Just dandy,” said Esther. “But you need to be nicer to your wife.”

“What’s she been saying?” Sidney looked really worried now.

“Oh no, nothing bad.. She’s still nauseatingly in love with you, I’m sure. But she’s going through the change, she needs your support.”

“The change?” Sidney looked at her, baffled.

“You know, the menopause.”

“The menopause?” Sidney still looked confused.

“Oh you men! You really don’t know anything about women, do you?”

“I know what the menopause is, Esther. But I thought Charlotte was depressed.”

“She probably is, but I’d say that’s her hormones going haywire. Ask Babbers here, he’ll tell you. By the way, I’m making us women tea and cutting that cake. You can serve yourselves.” And with that she went back into the kitchen.

Sidney looked blankly at his two friends, who were both laughing.

“Well, that’s you told!” said Winston.

“What did she mean, I had to ask you?” said Sidney, looking at Babbers.

“Esther went through a terrible time with the menopause. One moment she’d be throwing things at me, the next she’d be in floods of tears. She couldn’t bear me close to her and then she’d say I was neglecting her. Everything I said was wrong…”

Sidney stared at him. “You never said.”

Babbers shrugged. “It was when you were getting together with Charlotte. I didn’t want to bring you down when you were so ridiculously happy. Anyway, it was alright in the end. She went to the doctor and got put on HRT and things gradually went back to normal.”

Sidney shook his head. “I had no idea that’s what the menopause was like. It’s just a word, isn’t it? You don’t think about what it means.” He turned to Winston, “Have you been through this too?”

Winston chuckled. “Oh yes. It’s the night sweats that get me. I’m fast asleep and the next thing I know the sheets are soaking wet and Gloria’s making me get out of bed so she can put new sheets on.”

“That happened with Esther too. And those hot flushes! You’re talking to her and suddenly she’s gone bright red and is stripping off.”

“I wish I’d known all this before,” said Sidney. “But Charlotte hasn’t said anything about the menopause.”

“Likely she didn’t know about it either. I mean, Gloria’s a nurse and it still came as a surprise to her.”

“Poor Charlotte,” said Sidney softly. 

“And poor you,” said Winston. “A menopausal wife and a vindictive ex - you’ve really got your work cut out for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a medical doctor and I know anti-depressants can be prescribed for menopausal women and can be helpful but I have read that women are often misdiagnosed with depression rather than menopause.


	5. A Step Forward

Early Monday morning, Charlotte phoned the health centre and made an appointment to see a woman doctor that afternoon. Sidney offered to drive her, but she said she’d be ok on her own. He’d been very solicitous since the lunch on Saturday, treating Charlotte like she was some unusual creature he didn’t quite understand, but needed lots of gentle tentative care. 

Charlotte felt relieved it wasn’t depression making her feel like this, but wasn’t happy to replace the diagnosis with that of the menopause. Despite her friends’ reassurance that this wasn’t the end of being a woman, she couldn’t shift the idea of it being the end of something - and she couldn’t see what came next. It felt like a great big wall stood in her way, with just a black void behind. 

The doctor was a woman about the same age as Charlotte. Her sandy brown hair was tucked behind her ears and she gave Charlotte a warm smile when she came in. 

“How are you today?” she said looking kindly at her.

“I was here last week…” Charlotte began.

“Yes. You saw my colleague. He prescribed you some antidepressants. How has that been for you?”

“Terrible, to be honest. They’re making me feel really sick and shaky.”

“Mm, that can happen. The side-effects do usually pass after a few weeks. Can you bear to keep taking them? Or do you want to try something else?”

“The thing is, I was talking to some friends at the weekend and they think it’s the menopause causing my symptoms. So I was wondering what you thought about that?”

“Did my colleague mention the menopause to you?”

“No.”

“Ah. Tell me how you’ve been feeling.”

Charlotte listed all her symptoms. And this time included vaginal dryness.

“Have you noticed a change in the pattern of your periods?”

“They’ve always been a bit erratic, so I haven’t really been paying attention to them. But when I started thinking about it, I realised I haven’t had one for several months.”

“Sounds to me like your friends are probably right. We could try you on some HRT. Any history of breast cancer or blood clots in your family?”

“No.”

“And any problems with your blood pressure?”

“I have no idea. I can’t remember the last time it was taken.”

The doctor put the cuff round her arm and Charlotte started to feel it expand and squeeze. The doctor looked at the reading and frowned.

“I want to try that again,” she said, and repeated the procedure. 

“Ok, let’s try it once more.”

After she had read the third lot of results, she turned to Charlotte and said, “You have very high blood pressure, I’m afraid. We can’t try you on HRT until your blood pressure is down. I’m going to prescribe you some medication and I want to see you in 3 days and see if there’s any improvement.”

“Can I stop taking the antidepressants?”

“If you want to, then yes, of course.”

Back at home, Sidney looked up from his desk where piles of paper were rapidly accumulating. 

“It’s the menopause,” said Charlotte.

“Ok,” said Sidney slowly.

“You made me think I was going mad. Why did you say I was depressed?” Charlotte was suddenly furious. 

Sidney remembered Babbers’ advice to him: “Don’t take anything she says personally. Breathe and think before you speak.” Sidney took a deep breath and said, “Can you have any treatment for the symptoms?”

“No! Because I’ve got high blood pressure.” She waved her box of pills at him. “Out go the antidepressants. In come the blood pressure tablets.”

“And when your blood pressure is down, can you have some menopause treatment?”

“That’s all you bloody want, isn’t it? For everything to go back to how it was. But it’s not going to, is it? Because this is the end for me. Absolutely no chance of ever having a child of my own. You men can keep having children till you’re 90, but women? We’re out of the running at 50. Why didn’t you look for me earlier? Why wait till I was middle-aged? If you’d found me earlier, maybe we could have had children of our own.” 

Charlotte broke down in tears while Sidney, reeling from her words, looked on helplessly. He felt like he had entered a foreign land with a language and customs that he was completely ignorant of. He had no idea of what to say, how to refute what Charlotte had said, how to bring some reason back. He suddenly remembered what he used to ask himself when he didn’t know what to do: what would Charlotte Heywood do? The thought struck him as so bizarre and convoluted that he laughed out loud.

“So you think it’s funny!”

“No! I just…” Sidney gave up.

Charlotte’s phone rang. She wiped her eyes, blew her nose and answered. It was Esther finding out how she’d got on. When she had given her the update, Esther said, “Right, you need to go to that spa I told you about. Beaufort House on the Sussex-Surrey border. I’ve just had a look and they’re doing one of their menopause events this weekend. Go to the weekend and then stay on for a couple of weeks. That’s what I did. It’ll help you relax and get on top of everything again. That can only be good for your blood pressure.”

“Oh I don’t know…,” Charlotte said. “I’d be too nervous to go to something like that on my own and I can’t go away for so long…”

“Of course you can.” Esther rang off and Sidney’s phone started to ring.

“Sidney, tell your wife she has to go to this spa…” She told him the details and finished by saying, “I bet Gloria would go with Charlotte for the weekend, if you asked her. It’s pricey though, so offer to pay. I’m sending you the details so you can book them both in.”

Sidney felt under attack from both women, but could see the virtue in what Esther was pushing.

“I think she’s right,” said Sidney when Esther had rung off. “It would do you good to get away.”

“I don’t know…”

“If Gloria came with you for the weekend, would that help?”

“I couldn’t ask her to do that.”

“I could. Charlotte, let me do this for you. If Gloria agrees, I will book you both in and take you. You can stay for a fortnight, get pampered, do yoga and whatever else goes on in these places - and then I’ll come and get you. It won’t do you any harm and it might do you a lot of good.”

“So now you’re trying to get rid of me…”

Sidney phoned Gloria and asked her if she’d go and said that he was paying.

“Oh I don’t know,” said Gloria slowly. “You want me to drop everything to go to a fancy spa for the weekend; eat, swim, relax with my good friend Charlotte and you’ll pay for everything. You’re asking a lot, Sidney.”

“No, you’re right. I shouldn’t have asked…”

“Joke, Sidney! It was a joke. You really are stressed, aren't you? Of course I’ll go and thank you for asking - and paying.”

On Thursday, Charlotte went back to the health centre. The woman doctor took her blood pressure again. 

“It’s going down, but I’m going to add a second medication to your prescription. In the meantime, I’m going to ask you to try and relax as much as you can. Consider cutting back on caffeine and salt. That’s going to help.”

“I’m actually booked into a spa this weekend, some menopause thing my husband and friends are making me go to. Will that help?”

The doctor looked at her with interest. “Which spa?”

“I think it’s called something like Beaufort House?”

“Oh that’s a fantastic place. Excellent. Are you going just for the weekend or for longer.”

“My husband’s booked me in for two weeks.”

“Good man. Now listen, Rosie is the nurse there. She used to be a nurse at this practice. I’m going to give you a prescription for some HRT gel and I’m going to write a note to Rosie and ask her to keep an eye on your blood pressure. When she tells you your reading is normal, you can start applying the gel. How does that sound?”  


Charlotte nodded, feeling ambushed on all sides by people who seemed to know what was best for her - when she herself had no idea.

Charlotte had spent the week half fearful and half resentful - fearful at having to go somewhere new and face people she didn’t know, and resentful at Sidney for sending her away. She was so aggrieved that she hadn’t even bothered to look at Beaufort House’s website and see where she was going or what she would be doing. Friday afternoon arrived and she hadn’t even thought of packing, despite them having to leave soon. Sidney asked Alison to help Charlotte pack.

Alison found Charlotte sitting on the bed next to an empty suitcase.

“Thought you might need some help,” she said.

“Sidney sent you? He can’t wait for me to be gone.”

“Charlotte, I haven’t said anything, but you’re being really hard on him. According to Crowe, he’s got a lot on at work and you’re not helping.”

Charlotte just shrugged in response. 

“So what do you need to pack?”

“I have no idea.”

“Haven’t you checked? If it was me going away to be pampered for two weeks, I’d be over the moon.”

“Whatever.”

“Oh my god, Charlotte, you’ve turned into a sulky teenager! You don’t need to worry about getting older - if you carry on regressing like this, you’ll soon be in nappies.”

Charlotte looked at her sister, confused. Was she really behaving so badly? She didn’t like the sound of that. 

“Shall we have a look at this place together,” said Alison. “Where’s your iPad?” 

Alison sat down on the bed next to her sister and found the website.

“Look at it, it’s a stately home!” said Alison.

She scrolled through and together they took in the photos of the grand lobby, the ornate dining room, the indoor pool, the outdoor pool, the plush treatment rooms, the gym, the stylish bedrooms… Charlotte felt a trickle of excitement. It did look lovely. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Alison found a section on things to bring and they started to gather items and clothes together. “You’re going to need a swimming costume and some leggings and t-shirts…”

“I haven’t worn my leggings for ages. I’m going to look ridiculous with my stomach and hips.”

“Charlotte, listen to me. You are going to a spa with a load of menopausal women. You are all going to have body issues, that’s the point of going!” 

Finally, Charlotte was packed and she and Sidney set off.

They drove in silence for a while and then Charlotte said quietly, “Alison told me off earlier. She said I’ve been unfair and horrible to you. I’m sorry.”

Sidney silently blessed Alison. It had been a difficult week. He said nothing, but gave Charlotte a half smile.

“I should have thanked you for booking me into this place, instead of shouting at you.”

Sidney gave a nod of acknowledgement.

“Everything inside me feels like it’s out of control. My body, my brain… I’m sorry I’m taking it out on you.”

“Apology accepted.” Sidney smiled properly this time.

There was silence again and then Charlotte said, “This place is going to be a nightmare if everyone is like me - a load of women shouting and crying all the time.”

Sidney glanced over and actually detected a small smile on his wife’s face.

“Oh Charlotte, I am going to miss you,” he said.

“Really? I thought you’d enjoy the peace and quiet without me.”

“We haven’t been apart even one night since we got married.”

“That’s true. Alison said you have a lot on at work. Will you be able to get it sorted while I’m away?”

“I’m going to try.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to help you.”

“That’s ok.”

“You won’t forget to feed Bennet, will you? And yourself.”

“The cat and I will be fine. I don’t believe Bennet has ever let anyone forget to feed her.”

“You will phone me, won’t you?”

“Every day.”

“I’m going to miss you too,” Charlotte said softly.

They picked up Gloria at the nearest railway station and proceeded on to Beaufort House. As they drove down the long sweeping drive, Gloria said, “It’s even more impressive than in the photos.”

A massive sandstone building was situated at the end of the drive, surrounded by an immaculate lawn and huge old trees. 

Gloria looked at Charlotte and said, “I didn’t pack my tiara, do you think that matters?”

“I’ve got a bag full of t-shirts and leggings!” said Charlotte, looking panicked.

As they parked, two women climbed out of a car next to them. They were both wearing jogging bottoms and sweatshirts. 

“Tiaras are obviously not required,” said Sidney. They got out of the car and Sidney handed them their bags. Gloria stepped away to give Sidney and Charlotte some privacy as Sidney put his hands on his wife’s shoulders and looked at her. “I really am going to miss you, you know that, don’t you Charlotte?”

She nodded.

“But you are going to have the best time, ok? And I’ll speak to you every day.”

Charlotte nodded again and Sidney kissed her gently on the lips. He then released her and walked back to the car. Charlotte watched him go and then cried, “Sidney!” He turned round and she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his back as if she would never let him go. He folded his arms around her and they stood like this for a long moment, before Sidney gently released her. Charlotte’s eyes were full of tears and he wiped them away with his thumb, before kissing her again. 

“Go, enjoy, and I’ll speak to you later,” he said and got into his car before she could see the tears that were pricking his eyes too.


	6. Beaufort House

As they watched Sidney drive off, Gloria said, “When it comes to husbands, mine is my favourite, but yours comes a close second.”

Charlotte smiled gratefully at her and together they headed into the building.

They found themselves in a large lobby lit by an enormous chandelier. A waitress was holding a silver tray, with glasses filled with a pale green liquid. “Elderflower and cucumber cordial?” she said and the two women took a glass each. 

“Ooh, that’s yummy,” said Gloria, taking a sip. 

They made their way to the reception desk and gave their names. In return, they were handed door keys and an information pack. 

“Dinner is at 6.30 and then there will be a talk, followed by a relaxation session,” said the smiley blond receptionist. “Your rooms are next to each other, down that corridor.”

Charlotte’s room came first; it was huge. There was a king size bed, with slippers and a thick white towelling dressing gown laid out. Two comfy-looking armchairs were positioned in front of huge french windows leading out to a private patio. The en-suite had a deep bathtub and a rainforest shower. Charlotte went back into the bedroom and sank onto the soft mattress, already feeling a little overwhelmed by all the luxury. There was a knock on the door and Gloria came in.

“I can’t believe this place, can you? I don’t think I’ve ever stayed anywhere so posh.”

“Nor me. It was Esther who recommended it and she is very well-heeled.”

“Sidney comes from money too, doesn't he?”

“He does. I used to give him such a hard time about that when we were young. But I must say it comes in useful.” Charlotte smiled

“He’s certainly very generous. I could never have afforded to come here. I’m going to have to think of something really special to thank him.”

“I think he’s just grateful to you for coming with me. I seem to have lost all my confidence.”

Gloria patted her hand and said, “The menopause is a rough old time. Shall we have a look at these welcome packs and see what we’ve let ourselves in for.”

The packs contained a map, a timetable and information about Beaufort House. Charlotte’s also contained details of treatments she could book and classes she could join during the rest of her two week stay. The weekend timetable promised yoga, meditation, talks on nutrition and sleep, a massage, consultations with a nurse and plenty of free time to use the pool and gym.

“It says here, we should leave our phones in our rooms so we can focus on relaxation. I don’t know if my phone and I have ever been parted!” said Gloria.

“Oh, that’s a relief,” said Charlotte, reading further. “No dress code. In fact it says we can wear our dressing gowns to dinner.” 

“I think I’ll just go as I am for tonight.”

“Me too.”

“Shall we go find the dining room, it’s almost 6.30.”

Consulting their maps, they found their way to an elegant dining room. The long windows looked out over the lawn at the back of the house, where an outdoor swimming pool glittered in the evening sunlight. Dotted around the dining room were women dressed in their white towelling robes, some sitting in pairs, but plenty on their own. Charlotte and Gloria found a table by the window. As they sat down, Charlotte saw Gloria nod to a beautiful woman seated a few tables away. Charlotte looked at her friend in surprise. “Do you know her?” she said.

“No. It’s a black thing. We nod to each other in white places.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think. Is this place going to be uncomfortable for you?”

“I dearly hope not,” said Gloria smiling at Charlotte’s concerned face. “Besides, I have you here. And I know what a warrior you are in defence of black people.” 

“Warrior? I don’t feel I could defeat a fly at the moment." Charlotte paused and reflected, "Although I have been shouting at Sidney a lot recently." She smiled, "Ok, if anyone’s out of order with you, I’ll unleash my hormonal rage at them, how’s that?”

“That’s my girl.”

The meal consisted of three courses of delicious plant-based food. A cold cucumber soup to start, followed by a plate full of summer vegetables and pulses, with strawberries to finish. 

“I already feel healthier,” said Gloria. “And although a G and T would have been very welcome, this elderflower fizz is delicious.”

“No alcohol, no caffeine, no sugar,” said Charlotte reading the nutritional guidance that came with the menu. “My poor body isn’t going to know what’s hit it. Those are the only things that have kept me going these past months.” 

After dinner, they found the room for the talk and relaxation session. Charlotte felt anxious about having to meet new people and she clutched at Gloria’s arm as they approached. They saw a circle of comfy chairs laid out and a few women were already seated. No one was talking and they all looked as nervous as Charlotte felt. 

The room soon filled up and they were joined by three women who looked confident and seemed to be in charge. One of them, a woman in her 50s with olive skin and curly dark hair, looked round at them all and smiled warmly. 

“Welcome,” she said. “My name’s Rosie and I’m the nurse here at Beaufort House. I’ll be seeing you all individually over the weekend to talk about your health and how to improve it. These are my colleagues, Fiona and Jocelyn, who will be taking you for yoga and nutrition sessions. We are all your age and have been through the menopause. If we haven’t experienced your symptoms, we have most probably helped other women with them. We all have stories that could make your hair curl - just look at mine!”

There was laughter and a general release of tension in the room.

“Now, I hope we can teach you some tools to help you when you’re back home. But you can also learn a lot from each other. To break the ice, we’re all going to learn a little bit about someone here we haven’t met before.”

She then invited them to talk to the woman seated beside them, ask them their name, what animal they most resembled and their worst symptom. Charlotte turned to her neighbour, a plump woman with soft blonde hair, called Debbie, who immediately put Charlotte at ease with her big laugh. “I don’t know about you, love, but I feel like an elephant!”

“I think I’m more a rhinoceros - huge and always angry!” said Charlotte, smiling.

When the group came back together, it was clear that insomnia and lack of energy were the number one issue with the group.

“I’m not surprised by that,” said Rosie. “If you’re not sleeping, then everything seems unmanageable - hot flushes, mood swings, anxiety, palpitations. Unfortunately, there is no magic cure we can give you for insomnia, but what we can do is teach you how to relax. Even if you’re not sleeping, you can still give your body and mind the rest they need. If you feel more rested, then everything will become easier. Ok, we’re going to start now with a relaxation exercise that you can do whenever you need to relax. I want you all to close your eyes... and just observe your breathing…”

Rosie continued in a warm soothing voice, encouraging them to lengthen their breathing and release tension in their body, before taking them on an imaginary journey along a tropical beach at sunset. Charlotte felt her body become heavy and relaxed. She didn’t want Rosie to ever stop describing the warm sand between her toes and the stars beginning to emerge in the darkening sky. But eventually, they were invited to come back to themselves in the room.

“That was amazing,” said Debbie and everyone else murmured the same.

Rosie said, “There are a range of herbal teas in the lobby for you to try, which can also help with sleep and relaxation. I hope you all have a good night and Fiona will see you in the yoga studio tomorrow morning at 7, for some gentle yoga before breakfast.”

“I feel like I’m floating,” said Gloria as they left.

“Me too.”

They went to the lobby and made themselves camomile tea.

“Fancy drinking these outside?” asked Charlotte “I feel like looking at the sky for real.”

They wrapped themselves in their towelling robes and reclined on the loungers outside their rooms. The air still had some of the warmth from the day and the sky was the dark blue of dusk. Charlotte breathed deeply and caught the sweet, heady scent of honeysuckle.

“I don’t think I’ve felt this good for a long time,” she said.

“Nor me,” said Gloria. “And it’s only the first night.”

Before going to bed, Charlotte rang Sidney.

“What’s it like?” he asked.

“Amazing!”

“I’m so pleased. Tell me what you’ve been doing.”

Charlotte took the phone and laid down on the bed, propped up with a pile of pillows, and told him everything that had happened since they arrived. 

“No caffeine or sugar, how are you going to cope?” he said with a laugh.

“I know. Gloria says I’m going to get a terrible headache but then I’ll be fine again. And how are you?”

“It feels strange without you here. Bennet keeps looking for you and then comes and tells me you’re still not back.”

Charlotte laughed softly. Sidney’s voice was deep and warm in her ear. She’d forgotten how much she liked the way he spoke.

“Do you realise we’ve never really spoken on the phone before,” she said.

“That’s true. We’ve never been apart long enough for us to need to.”

“I like hearing your voice.”

“I like hearing _your_ voice.”

There was a pause, both of them smiling.

“What are you going to do this weekend?” asked Charlotte.

“Everyone’s keeping me busy. They’re worried I’m going to starve or get too lonely without you. Crowe’s coming down to be with Alison and they’ve invited me over for dinner - and Henry, Alicia and Jenny are taking me out for lunch on Sunday.”

“Taking _you _out?”__

__“I know.”_ _

__“Speak to you tomorrow night?” said Charlotte._ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“Good night.”_ _

__“Good night, my love.”_ _

__

__Sidney put his phone down and smiled to himself. That had been the most normal conversation they had had in, he didn’t know how long. He had found himself looking forward to Charlotte being away. Her moods were so unpredictable and he had felt so under attack, that he had craved some time on his own. But on the drive home from Beaufort House, alone in the car, he had felt an emptiness, as if he had left part of himself behind. And that feeling had only grown worse when he let himself into their empty house. He had taken comfort in Bennet’s sense of dislocation, murmuring to the cat, “what are we going to do without her?” But talking to Charlotte on the phone, hearing her soft voice in his ear, had warmed him and given him the strength to keep going, knowing that he would talk to her again the following night._ _

__

__\--------------_ _

__

__When the women gathered in the yoga studio, the next morning, it was like they were already old friends. There were lots of smiles and laughs as they all yawned and confessed to another sleepless night - even if a more relaxed one than usual. Charlotte’s worries about looking ridiculous in leggings faded, when she saw all the other women wearing baggy t-shirts to try and cover up their hips and stomachs. The yoga teacher took them through a sequence of gentle stretches, accompanied by long slow breaths. To Charlotte, it felt like her body had rusted up and with each stretch she was applying much needed oil to her joints. The teacher finished with a relaxation exercise; she asked them to imagine walking down a flight of steps and on each step feeling more and more relaxed. She then asked them to imagine a place where they felt completely safe. Charlotte knew immediately where this place was for her. She had felt it when she threw herself into Sidney’s arms after they had arrived here. She imagined herself with his arms wrapped tightly around her, the warmth of his body against hers, his familiar smell. She heard the yoga teacher’s voice: “Whenever things feel out of control, remember you can always go back to this place in your mind. Now I’m going to ask you to climb up those stairs, and back into the room and open your eyes…”_ _

__

__They all blinked and smiled at each other. It was then time for a breakfast of muesli, fresh fruit and herbal tea. Afterwards, they all headed off in different directions; Gloria had her session with Rosie and Charlotte had her massage. After an hour of having her rusty back and limbs manipulated, the masseuse said, “You are very stiff at the moment, but if you have regular massages during your stay with us, we will have you loose and supple once again.” Charlotte smiled her gratitude, then picked up a herbal tea from the lobby and went outside to find somewhere to lie down. She could hear squeals of laughter coming from the outdoor pool and, thinking she could hear Gloria’s voice amongst them, wandered over. Gloria, Debbie and a red-haired woman were all standing in the pool._ _

__“We’re cooling off,” said Gloria when she spotted Charlotte._ _

__Charlotte sat on the edge of the pool and dipped her feet in the water, “It’s freezing!”_ _

__“I know! Isn’t it wonderful,” said Debbie._ _

__“We were all having hot flushes,” said Gloria. “So we came here to cool off.”_ _

__“I don’t get them,” said Charlotte._ _

__“You lucky girl,” said Debbie. “Mind you, they wouldn’t be so bad if I had a cold swimming pool in the back garden.”_ _

__“I walk round the house with ice cubes wrapped in a tea towel around my neck,” said the redhead. “It’s the only thing that helps. Not very professional at work though. You can imagine what it’s like, meeting clients and my face goes as red as my hair.”_ _

__“I keep a towel in my office to wipe myself down between patients,” said Gloria._ _

__“Have any of you tried HRT?” asked Charlotte._ _

__“History of breast cancer in my family so I can’t,” said Debbie._ _

__“I tried it, but it gave me terrible headaches,” said the redhead. “How about you?”_ _

__“My blood pressure needs to come down, but then I’m going to try it.”_ _

__“So if you don’t have hot flushes, Charlotte, what are you having to cope with?” asked Debbie._ _

__“Mood swings, anxiety, heart palpitations… I’m a mess. I used to pride myself on being so competent, but now I forget things, I cry all the time, I keep shouting at my husband. My sister said I’m behaving like a teenager, but actually I’ve turned into a toddler, all temper tantrums and tears before bedtime.”_ _

__The three women all nodded in comprehension._ _

__“My husband virtually lives at the golf club now,” said the redhead. “He says I’m impossible to live with.”_ _

__“My husband left me,” said Debbie. The three women stared at her, appalled._ _

__“Because you’re going through the menopause?” asked Charlotte._ _

__“Yep. He said he couldn’t cope with my moods and that I wasn’t the woman he had married, now that I was twice the size and there was no bedroom action anymore.”_ _

__“That’s horrible,” said Charlotte. “Really horrible. I’m so sorry. How are you doing?_ _

__Debbie started crying and Gloria put her arm round her. “Don’t mind me. It’s just those tears we keep having,” she sniffed. “I was a bit of a wreck, to be honest, when he left. But my kids have been great.”_ _

__“What about him?” said Gloria. “Is he the same man you married?”_ _

__“No!” Debbie snorted. “Great big beer belly and no hair. But he still thinks he’s god’s gift.”_ _

__The redhead suddenly said, “I feel guilty that I can’t, you know, in bed. I don’t know about you, but it’s just too painful.”_ _

__They all winced in sympathy._ _

__“I know, I feel guilty too,” said Charlotte. “My husband thinks I’m rejecting him. I don’t know how to explain what the real problem is.”_ _

__“I don’t think we should feel too guilty,” said Gloria. “All we’re asking for is a little patience and understanding. If it was the other way round, can you imagine how good we’d be to them?”_ _

__The redhead grinned and said to an imaginary husband, “O darling, having a hot flush? Let me wrap this nice cold towel around your neck…”_ _

__Gloria joined in, “Don’t worry about the wet sheets, you’ve just had a nasty night sweat. You stay there and I’ll change them for you.”_ _

__Charlotte added, “You go ahead and have a good cry. I’ll just put the kettle on.”_ _

__They all burst into peals of laughter._ _

__“Thank you girls, you’ve done me the power of good,” said Debbie wiping her eyes. “I’m so glad I came.”_ _

__

__Sidney surprised Charlotte that night when they spoke on the phone._ _

__“I’ve been doing some reading - on the menopause.”_ _

__“Really?”_ _

__“I spotted quite a few of your symptoms.”_ _

__“I’m sure you did.”_ _

__“Charlotte, can I ask you something? This vaginal dryness thing I’ve been reading about - is that why you won’t…?”_ _

__“Yes,” she said softly._ _

__“Why didn’t you tell me? It sounds really painful. Have I… did I… hurt you the last time we…?”_ _

__There was silence and then: “Yes.”_ _

__“Oh Charlotte, I’m so sorry. You should have told me.”_ _

__“I didn’t know how to. It was - embarrassing. I’m sorry I can’t… I know you want to...”_ _

__“Don’t apologise. This is all a natural process for you - for women - and I just want to be there for you.”_ _

__“There's a woman here whose husband left her because of the menopause.”_ _

__“What can I say? Men are bastards.”_ _

__“Not all men,” said Charlotte with a smile in her voice._ _

__“That’s kind of you to say, but I have not been my best self with you these past weeks. I mean to be better.”_ _

__“As do I.”_ _


	7. A Bruising Encounter

The bed-time phone calls with Charlotte were the bright spot in Sidney’s days. He felt their former closeness was coming back and her voice brought him comfort and pleasure. The rest of his days were filled with the time-consuming minutiae of preparing evidence for the planning committee. Each time Campion Estates had submitted a planning application in London, they had promised to build low cost housing and all sorts of public amenities as part of the development. Once their plans had been approved, Campion Estates then produced a thick file of reasons why those things couldn’t be provided after all. With help from Winston, Sidney got his hands on all the paperwork to establish how this property company never managed to provide what it promised. It was slow and boring work, but the picture it painted was of a company that was happy to lie in order to make profits. Sidney could imagine Charlotte’s outrage if she had been there and if they had been able to discuss this all from the beginning. In her absence, he took to driving over to Sanditon every day to share his findings with Councillor John Sutton and take a swim in the sea.

One day, he and John took a trip to meet a group of tenants who lived in social housing managed by Campion Estates. They heard tales of damp and rats, broken lifts and graffiti. They were left thinking that whilst the low-cost and social housing Campion Estates had promised was an attractive offer, they wouldn’t be displeased if the flats were never built, if this is how they turned out.

“The problem is though,” said John. “We can paint a picture of a company that promises a lot, but delivers only what is profitable to them. However, it’s the plan to build luxury flats and attract wealthier people to Sanditon, that will put them in favour with the planning committee. And you can’t deny, their luxury flats are stunning.”

“But who’s going to buy them? I just don’t see people who can afford flats like these moving to Sanditon,” said Sidney.

“Well, let’s ask them that at their fancy do.”

“Which I am so _not_ looking forward to going to.”

The fancy do was a champagne reception that Campion Estates were holding to show their plans to a number of invited guests. Sidney had not received an invitation, but he was going as John’s plus one. He expected he would see Eliza there. If he did, it would be the first time since they had separated, over 25 years earlier. Although Sanditon was her home town, Sidney had never seen her there. Although he did his best to ignore gossip, he knew that if she had ever visited, someone would be sure to tell him. 

The night of the reception, Sidney put on a suit and met John outside the Sanditon Regency Hotel. 

“Don’t you scrub up well,” said John with an admiring smile. “It’s a good job my husband’s not here, he’d be jealous. I’m going to have the best-looking date tonight.”

“Very funny,” said Sidney. “Right, what’s the plan?”

“I think we observe. See who’s there, what they’re saying, and then, if possible, ask some leading questions. And try and be your usual charming self. Probably not good to get angry, even if provoked.”

“I’ll do my best,” Sidney muttered.

The two men entered the hotel. The Regency was the grandest hotel Sanditon still had, although the grandeur was somewhat faded. A marble lobby led through to a large reception room, lit by a chandelier. A woman standing at the door ticked John’s name off the list and asked who Sidney was. When he gave his name, the woman looked startled, but before she could say anything, John took his arm and said, “He’s my guest.” They carried on into the room, which was already filling up. Sidney and John each took a glass of champagne from a passing waiter and went over to the focus of the room, which was an architectural model of Sanditon. 

“I didn’t know you were going to be here,” said a woman coming up behind them.

“Good evening, Abigail,” said Sidney.

“Isn’t this splendid,” she said waving her hand over the model. “It’s just how Sanditon should look.”

“It’s how my ancestor _wanted_ Sanditon to look, at the start of the nineteenth century,” said Sidney. “A lot has changed since then.”

There was a small commotion at the door and then a short blond woman, surrounded by men in suits, came in and made her way to the front of the room. The woman climbed onto a podium and tapped her glass to gain attention.

“Welcome,” she said. “Thank you so much for coming to our little soiree this evening.” She gazed across the crowd and suddenly saw Sidney. Pointing at him, she continued, “And we are honoured tonight to have the presence of Sanditon aristocracy, Mr Sidney Parker.” All eyes turned to Sidney. 

“Fuck,” he said under his breath. 

“Ex-wife?” whispered John and was answered by a curt nod. 

“It was Sidney’s ancestor, Tom Parker, who first had the idea of turning this little fishing village into a luxurious bathing resort. And look at how successful he was,” she said, gesturing at the architectural model. “My company, Campion Estates, wants to make Sanditon the destination it once was, to put this town back on the map, to bring back the wealth this town so desperately needs.”

There was a round of applause.

“We believe that the focus has, for too long in this town, been our underprivileged brethren to the detriment of those people who bring prosperity. By creating luxury homes and retail outlets, we will attract people who spend money and whose children raise academic performance in our schools. By reaching out to the wealthy, the needy will also benefit - as a prosperous town is good for everyone. And let it not be said that Campion Estates is only interested in the rich, as we promise to build 75 flats for low income families to buy or rent.”

There was another round of applause.

“The Parker family have had a great deal of influence in this town for over two hundred years, but it is now time for other people to contribute to a new vision of how Sanditon should be. My family too has been here as long as the Parkers and I believe that my plans for the town can make this place extraordinary once again. Thank you.” And with that she stepped off the podium. There was more applause, but also some embarrassed glances at Sidney who was well-liked by those who knew what he had contributed to the town.

Sidney swallowed the rest of his champagne in one gulp and took another glass from a passing waiter, which he also downed in one.

“Good lord,” said John. “Are you ok?”

“Peachy.” Sidney was, in fact, seething. She was the Eliza he remembered. Still the one with contempt for the poor and concern only for the moneyed classes. She also, strangely, looked very similar to how he had last seen her. There was no grey in her hair, no lines on her face, indeed her face seemed curiously immobile. He saw her approaching.

“Sidney, darling, I don’t believe I invited you,” she said sweetly, reaching up and kissing the air to the right of his cheek.

“Even though I am Sanditon aristocracy, as you so kindly put it. But then it seems my reign is over and yours is about to begin.”

“All good things come to an end. Just like marriages.”

“Was our marriage a good thing?”

“You obviously didn’t think so. But I hear congratulations are in order. You’ve re-married. Is your new wife here?”

“No.”

“No, of course, you’re here on the arm of a gentleman. Does she know you bat both ways?” Eliza emitted a small noise that could have been a laugh. “Anyway, I heard she’s gone away. Trouble in paradise?”

“We’re very happy, thank you,” said Sidney through gritted teeth.

“Frumpy little thing from what I hear,” Eliza hissed. “I wouldn’t have thought she’s your type.”

Sidney saw red. “Don’t you dare talk about my wife like that. She’s worth a hundred of you!”

“And yet she’s not here to support you.”

Sidney glared at her and then tried very hard to get a grip on his emotions. He remembered why he and John were there and so he asked, “Who exactly do you think is going to buy these luxury flats in Sanditon?”

“Oh, I’ll find buyers, don’t you worry.”

“But I do. This town does not need a load of fancy flats left empty. It needs proper homes for the people who already live here.”

“You are such a wet do-gooder, Sidney. That’s always been your problem. No ambition, no respect for the wealth-creators. Well, let me tell you, my vision is going to win. You humiliated me once, but not this time. This time it’s you who are going to be trampled into the dirt.” 

“How did I humiliate you? You’re the one who was having affairs.”

“You left me!”

“Is this what this is all about for you? Revenge for our divorce? For fuck’s sake, Eliza, grow up!” And with that, Sidney stormed out of the room.

John found him standing outside the hotel, breathing heavily.

“So that went well,” said John.

Sidney snorted. “Sorry, but that woman…!” He shook his head. “Did anyone notice?”

“I don’t think there’s anyone who didn’t notice.”

“Ah.”

“I don't know if anyone could actually hear what you were saying but it was obviously heated. As for the rest of the evening, I’d say it’s probably 50:50 in terms of those on your side and those on hers.”

“We don’t want it to be about sides, but about what’s best for the town.”

“I know, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. You have a lot of respect here.”

“Maybe, but it’s not those people who will decide on planning permission, is it?”

Before Sidney drove home, He took a walk along the promenade and phoned Charlotte. 

“I’m sorry it’s late. I’m not disturbing you, am I?”

“Of course you aren’t. Have you been doing something nice this evening?”

“I wish. I had a work thing and got into a row.”

“No! Are you ok?” Charlotte’s soft concerned voice was like a soothing balm.

“Not really, but I’m better for talking to you.”

“I learnt this visualisation technique here,” said Charlotte. “You imagine a place where you feel completely safe and then, whenever things feel out of control, you imagine yourself back there. I’ve been doing it all week and it really works.”

“I’ll give it a go.” There was a pause and then he said, in a rush, “I’m so glad I married you.”

“Where did that come from?” said Charlotte, amused. 

“It’s just this evening… Change, you know, it’s a good thing, don’t you think? I mean, as we get older, we should change, our looks should change and our opinions. I can’t imagine you ever being frozen in time, you’re always so thoughtful and interested in other people…”

“Goodness, what happened tonight to provoke all this?”

“It doesn’t matter. I might tell you when you’re back. But do you think I’m right?”

“I’m going to have to have to think about it.”

Sidney laughed, “Of course you are.”

“But, off the top of my head, I suppose it’s not about completely changing, but always trying to be the best person we can be. Whether that’s learning new things or being willing to change your opinions or simply having a more flattering hairstyle.”

“I knew you’d understand. You know, Charlotte, speaking of change, you sound like you’re changing back to your old self. Do you think you are?”

“I think I’m getting there. It’s not that my symptoms have gone, but I feel more able to deal with them. I’m only having one good cry a day and I don’t think I’ve shouted at anyone for days”

“Good. Because even though I miss you dreadfully, I am so happy you are feeling better.”

“You know what?” said Charlotte. “I’m very happy I married you too.”

Sidney put his phone back in his pocket and smiled to himself. Speaking to Charlotte had calmed him, but, as he walked back to his car, he remembered Eliza and their row and felt angry all over again. What had Charlotte said? Think of a place you feel safe. He immediately knew where that was; he was lying on his side in bed and Charlotte had snuggled up behind him and slipped her arm around his chest. Just thinking of that made him feel calm again and, from then on, every time Eliza’s face appeared in his mind he replaced her with the image of Charlotte cuddling him in bed and he was once more at peace.


	8. A New Friend

Charlotte was halfway through her stay at Beaufort House. Gloria, and most of the other women she had met when she first arrived, had now gone. She had thought she would panic on saying goodbye to Gloria, but she had kept her emotions in check and been able to continue her stay on her own. Although she had been sad to see her friend go, she was now learning to enjoy her own company once again. There was something about all the guests, swanning around in dressing gowns or gym wear, that made them less intimidating and easier to fall into intimate conversations with. 

She had seen Rosie, the nurse, and shown her the doctor’s letter. Rosie had taken Charlotte’s blood pressure, which had come down sufficiently for her to start taking the HRT gel she brought with her. Every morning, she rubbed a squirt of gel on the inside of each of her thighs. It was a strange sort of treatment, she thought, and couldn’t imagine how it worked. Rosie had explained that she wouldn’t feel any difference for at least a couple of weeks. However, Charlotte was feeling the benefits of being at the spa. Rosie has reinforced the message that she should avoid caffeine and sugar as ways of gaining energy. Stopping her usual tea and coffee consumption had resulted in a terrible headache for a day, but she was now feeling a lot calmer. And although her heart was still pounding and the insects were still fluttering in her stomach, the symptoms weren’t getting worse. Rosie had reckoned she could do with losing a few pounds and despite it only being a week, the smaller portions and the healthy food were already making her feel lighter. The daily yoga classes and regular massages were making her feel less stiff and achy; while the new relaxation methods were helping her keep her emotions more under control. Charlotte still had problems sleeping and her energy continued to be low, but she wasn’t feeling so stressed by these symptoms anymore. She was learning to be kinder to herself and not be frustrated when she couldn’t do all she wanted.

What Charlotte was still grappling with though, was the concept of growing older. It still felt to her as if a big wall stood in her path and she couldn’t find her way past it. She had taken to walking in the spa’s grounds everyday after lunch and using the time to ponder how her life would continue as she grew older. She was wandering through part of the gardens she hadn’t yet visited, reflecting on her conversation with Sidney about the value of change, when she felt the first fat drops of rain splattering on her head and arms. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed the big black clouds rolling in and the breeze picking up. Looking around her for somewhere to take shelter, she spotted an old summer house on the edge of the lawn. As the rain started to fall more heavily, she ran towards the house, wrenched the door open and rushed inside.

She stood just inside, looking out at the rain falling in great grey sheets, and continued to think about what she had said to Sidney. Charlotte wondered if she really believed it; that people should continue to develop throughout their lives. She certainly used to feel that way, but now she couldn’t see far enough ahead to imagine how she was going to continue to grow as a person.

“A penny for your thoughts,” said a woman’s voice from behind her.

Charlotte whirled round. She’d thought she was all alone, but now she could see a woman seated on a wicker chair at the back of the summer house.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise anyone else was here. I didn’t mean to disturb you,” said Charlotte.

“You’re not disturbing me at all. I was reading, but it’s now too dark to see my book. Come and join me.”

Charlotte approached and sat down on a chair next to her. She was older than her, with dark hair pulled back in a French plait, warm brown eyes and a generous mouth. “I’m Susan,” she said.

“Charlotte.”

“So Charlotte, what were you thinking about just then - if you don’t mind me asking. You looked very pensive.”

“I was thinking about ageing.”

“Ah. That’s a subject that requires a lot of deep thought. What was it, in particular, that was occupying you?”

“I was thinking about a conversation I had with my husband last night - about the importance of growing, as people, as we get older. But I realise now, that when I look ahead I feel as if my life is about to end.”

“And is it? About to end?”

“I don’t think so. I hope not.”

“Mm. You don’t look very old. How old are you - if that’s not an impertinent question.” 

“53.”

“Not young, but certainly not old. Are your parents still alive?”

“No. They died in their 60s.”

“Too young, I’m sorry. Older siblings?”

“A younger sister.”

“Any older relatives?”

“No.”

“Older friends?”

Charlotte thought about it. “No. They’re all my age.”

“Maybe you can’t see the future because you have no older role models to follow. My mother’s still alive and she’s guided my way into older age. She lives in a social whirl of bridge parties and theatre outings and she’s 95. She even has a gentleman friend, who is a spring chicken at 91.”

Charlotte laughed. “She sounds wonderful.”

“She is. I can’t say I didn’t worry about growing older when I was your age, but I’m almost 70 now and life is pretty good. I’ve travelled, I’ve read books and met new people; I’ve even fallen in and out of love. So you see, life goes on, even if your age seems to become an alarmingly high number.”

“Thank you,” said Charlotte. “I think that’s something I really needed to hear.”

“You’re very welcome.” 

A flash of lightning skidded across the floor, followed by a crack of thunder. 

“I love a good storm,” said Susan. “So exciting, don’t you think? Now, tell me, what brought you to Beaufort House?”

“I came for the menopause weekend and stayed on - I’ve been here a week and have another week to go.”

“Those weekends are very good. I think a lot of us regulars came to one of them originally and then just kept coming. How are you doing menopause-wise? Are you learning to cope?”

“Yes. Thanks to this place. I felt like I was running out of control before I came.”

“Have you tried HRT?”

“I’ve just started.”

“How’s your husband’s stamina?”

“Excuse me?”

“HRT can make you quite frisky. I had to seduce the window cleaner when I first started on it.”

Charlotte stared at her new friend and then burst out laughing. Susan’s lips quivered and before long she was laughing too.

“There’s something about hiding from a storm that invites confidences, don’t you think?” Susan said when they’d calmed down.   
“The window cleaner was quite surprised to start with, but when I explained, he was really quite enthusiastic.”

“Was he the one you fell in or out of love with?”

“Oh, dear me, neither. He was just there to scratch an itch, as it were. I mean vibrators are all very well, but sometimes you just really need a man, do you know what I mean?” 

Charlotte opened and closed her mouth and then giggled. “To be honest, I haven’t felt like either for quite a while,” she confessed.

“It’ll come back, don’t you worry. And when you do, you’ll discover that the best kept secret in the world is that sex becomes better the older you are.”

“Really?”

“Oh yes. It’s a lot less athletic, but it’s more full of feeling. I was never that happy hanging off the chandeliers when I was younger, anyway.” 

A couple of days later, Susan and Charlotte shared a table at dinner and, on leaving the dining room, heard a commotion in the lobby. As they approached, they saw a short blond woman shouting at the woman on reception.

“I can’t possibly carry this bag myself!” the woman was yelling and pointing at a small suitcase on wheels. “I need someone, this instant, to take it to my room.”

The receptionist, herself, came from behind the desk and took hold of the woman’s bag and started wheeling it down the corridor.

“Damn, I didn’t realise she’d be here,” said Susan.

“You know her?” asked Charlotte, surprised.

“Unfortunately, yes. She’s a nasty piece of work. I call her the Bitch. Sorry if that’s not very PC of me, but that’s what she is.” 

After that, the B, as Charlotte started referring to her as, kept popping up to disturb the peace. She moaned about the temperature of the swimming pool, the softness of the pillows in her room, the taste of the soup at lunch. 

“There’s a woman who really needs to relax,” commented Charlotte as they watched the B harangue a waiter about the size of the salad she’d been served.

“Mm. You could say that,” said Susan. “She should also provide you with an example of why you should learn to accept the ageing process.”

“Really? She doesn’t look very old.”

“She’s about your age.”

“She doesn’t look it!”

“Look more closely.” And then Susan put her fingers to the edge of her face and pulled.

Charlotte giggled. “A facelift?”

Susan nodded. “And botox and chemical peels and god knows what else. Haven’t you noticed - her face never moves.”

The following day, Charlotte had an opportunity to look at the B’s face, closer up. She had gone back to her room for a lie down before lunch, but found the maid still cleaning her room.

“I am so sorry, I should have been finished by now,” said the maid. “But…”

The sound of the B’s voice, berating someone, could be heard through the open french doors.

“Was that woman giving you a hard time?”

The maid rolled her eyes.

“I run a B&B,” said Charlotte. “I hate it when we have guests like her.”

The maid’s face broke into a wide smile. “Most of the ladies who come here are lovely, but she… “ her voice lowered to a whisper. “She is a rude woman. She said there was a mark on the wall in her room. It was tiny and I tried to clean it off, but she got cross and made me move her into the room next to yours. She’s only here for one more day! I’m sorry for you having her as a neighbour.”

“I’m sorry for you having to deal with her.” Charlotte smiled sympathetically at the maid. “Why don’t I go outside and let you get on in peace.”

Charlotte walked through the open french doors and lay down on the lounger on her patio. She could hear the B’s voice coming and going. It sounded like she was pacing her room talking on her phone.

“What do you mean? Of course we’ll sell them…” said the B before her voice faded again. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s not that bad!...”

“Go bankrupt? Of course we won’t... ”

“I have to do this! I’m not going to let him win…”

“That man’s left me so peeved, I’ve had to come to the Beaufort for a couple of days…”

“Don’t you dare tell me it’s not a good investment. I grew up there!…”

B’s voice faded again and then the woman herself burst through her french doors and stopped suddenly when she saw Charlotte on the lounger in the patio next to hers.

“Oh,” she said. “Have you been listening to my conversation?”

Charlotte looked up and said sweetly, “Only bits and pieces. Having some business worries?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.” The B looked at her and said, “You’re Lady Susan’s little friend.”

“ _Lady_ Susan?”

“Didn’t you know?” Her voice indicated surprise, but Charlotte was amused to see there was no surprise on her face. “She’s quite the aristocrat. Tony Babcock’s bit on the side by all accounts.”

“Who?”

“The Earl of Kent!” If the B’s face could have registered disgust at her ignorance, Charlotte felt sure it would have.

“Well, I can’t stand here chatting all day, I have a zumba class to get to.” And with that, she was off.

When Charlotte met Susan for dinner that night, she was happy to report that she had observed the B at close quarters and discovered that, yes indeed, her face did not move.

“She told me that you are a lady with a capital L.”

“Yes, I am,” said Susan. “But I don’t go flashing it around. I want people to know me as a person, not be dazzled by my title.”

“She also told me you’re having an affair with an earl.”

Susan rolled her eyes. “That woman! A gossip and a snob.”

“So? Are you?”

“Tony’s a very dear friend,” said Susan. And then with a sparkle in her eye: “And rather good in bed.”

Charlotte giggled. “Oh Susan, I am going to miss you.”

“We must stay in touch, my dear. Now, I’m off tomorrow and you have three more days? How are you going to spend them?”

“I thought I’d have my hair cut and maybe coloured. What do you think?”

“I think that’s a marvellous idea. As you know, I believe in growing old gracefully, but at the same time, I do think we should try and make the most of our looks. And removing the grey and having a flattering cut can do wonders. Not that I’m saying you need much help, my dear. You have been blessed with the type of looks that will keep you looking beautiful right into old age.”

Charlotte blushed at the compliment, especially as she thought Susan’s face to be stunning - and not just for her age.

Charlotte had her hair done, had a facial, had her last massage, her last yoga class and last relaxation session. It was almost time to go. Her stay at Beaufort House had been such a glorious escape from the real world. Now she would see if the things she had learnt kept her on an even keel back at home; for the HRT was not yet working. 

Sidney was coming to collect her. She wondered how they would be, once they were together again. When they last saw each other, there was such a distance between them. And yet, paradoxically, while they were apart, they had seemed to grow closer. Their nightly phone calls were full of warmth and love. As the time grew closer to seeing Sidney again, she felt more and more excited.


	9. Reunited

Sidney was also counting the days until he would see Charlotte again. The fallout from the evening reception had meant even more work. The local paper had published, on its front page, photos of Eliza and himself under the headline: ‘Warring Visions of Sanditon’, together with eyewitness accounts of the row. The inside of the paper contained interviews with various local people, giving their views on the evening. Eliza had been invited onto local radio, which meant Sidney also had to appear. The story had even reached the regional television news programme. Sidney had received dozens of texts, calls and emails from people offering him their support. He was looking forward to switching off his phone, getting in his car and going to collect Charlotte - it would be a blissful escape for a few hours. 

Sidney sat in the foyer of Beaufort House and waited for Charlotte to appear. When she did, wheeling her bag along the corridor towards him, he couldn’t stop smiling. She looked - incredible. Her hair had been cut so her curls fell softly around her face. Her hair was the chestnut brown it had been before it started showing some grey. She looked slimmer and her skin glowed with health. Charlotte’s eyes sparkled when she saw him and her lovely mouth grinned. As she approached him, her eyes became concerned and her smile faded. Sidney looked so tired and worn, there were big dark circles under his eyes and more grey in his hair. Before she could say anything though she was swept into an enormous hug.

“You look stunning,” Sidney whispered as he held her.

When he released her, Charlotte put her hand to his cheek and said, “And you, my love, look exhausted. Shall I leave you here and come back for you in a couple of weeks?”

Sidney laughed. “That sounds very tempting. But no, I’m not parting with you again just yet.”

As they walked to the car, Charlotte said, “Will you tell me why you look so tired?”

“I will - later. It’s a long story.”

They got in the car and as they set off Charlotte said, “Do we have to rush back?”

“No, not at all.”

“Why don’t we stop off at The Lion and Unicorn on the way home and have lunch. Vegetarian food is all well and good but I must say I’ve been craving a steak. We can eat and you can tell me what’s going on. How does that sound?”

“Perfect.”

The Lion and Unicorn was an ancient country pub, about halfway between Beaufort House and Willingden. They ordered steaks and drinks at the bar and then made their way beneath the low hanging beams and out into the garden. They sat down at a table by a weeping willow that drooped into a pond full of lily pads and fish. 

Sidney took a drink from his pint of beer and sighed. “This is just what I needed.”

“Alcohol?”

“You, beer, a sunny pub garden, a steak on the way. It doesn’t get much better than that,” Sidney grinned.

“I’m glad I come first in that list,” said Charlotte playfully.

Sidney squeezed her hand. “You _are_ you again, aren’t you?”

“Not completely, but getting there.”

“And the dryness thing?”

“Still there. Don’t worry, you’ll be the first to know when it’s gone.” 

Sidney raised an eyebrow. “The first and only I hope.”

“The first on my list anyway…” Charlotte grinned mischievously.

Their steaks arrived and Charlotte immediately cut into hers and put a big piece in her mouth. “Mmmm, that’s good. You know, there’s a lot I learnt these past two weeks. I’m definitely going to drink less caffeine and alcohol, eat less sugar and more veggies, but I can’t do without having some meat now and then.”

When they had finished, Charlotte offered to drive them home if Sidney wanted another pint. After he got more drinks, he began to tell her about Campion Estates and the bid for the Denham properties. He went through the saga of the planning permission and his attempts to thwart them, building up to the reception fiasco and the ensuing media coverage. The only thing he left out was Eliza’s denigration of Charlotte.

“Sidney, that’s… I don’t know where to begin. I can see why you look so exhausted now.” Charlotte reached across the table and ran her fingers through his hair. “Eliza - she sounds awful.”

“Babbers described her as being the exact opposite of you, in every way. And that about sums her up.”

“And yet you married us both.”

“Yes, but you’re the only one who makes me happy.”

Charlotte smiled at him. “How can I help with all this? What can I do?”

“You’ve already helped. Just by listening. And not judging. I wasn’t sure how you would cope with me seeing Eliza again.”

“Why?” Charlotte was surprised.

“Don’t you remember what you were like before? You seemed very insecure; you thought I was going to leave you.” Sidney gazed at her, his eyes full of concern.

Charlotte frowned. “I do and I don’t remember.” A glint suddenly showed in her eyes and she said, “I do remember you flirting with some glamourpuss in New York!”

Sidney’s cheeks went red. “I’m ashamed of myself for that.”

“And so you should be. It was outrageous behaviour.”

“You know I’d never cheat on you, don’t you?”

“I do. I also know that you owe me big time. I think I’m allowed a great big flirt with a gentleman of my choosing.”

Sidney frowned. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Tough.” 

Charlotte drove them home. As they neared Willingden, she looked over at Sidney and saw he was leaning against the window, his eyes closed. She smiled to herself; he needed a good sleep. As she drove down the driveway and parked, she noticed the garden outside the B&B was looking good. She was pleased to see her sunflowers were now blooming. Sidney opened his eyes and yawned. 

“I must have nodded off,” he said.

“Why don’t you go in and have a nap while I say hello to Alison.”

“That’s not a bad idea. I’ll take your bag.” He smiled at her. “But don’t be too long.”

Charlotte let herself in through the kitchen and found Alison in the office.

“You’re back. Don’t you look good! How do you feel?”

“I feel - better. Are you busy? Fancy a cuppa and a catch-up?”

They went into the kitchen and filled each other in on what had been happening in their lives during the past two weeks. 

Charlotte walked back across the yard and into her house. Sidney was lying on his side on their bed, his eyes shut, his breathing soft and slow. She didn’t want to disturb him, but couldn’t stop herself from lying down, pressing herself up against his back and slipping her arm around him. He immediately enclosed her hand with his and said, “Mmm, I’ve missed this.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” she whispered.

“You didn’t. I was just dozing. You know, this here, you with your arm around me, is the safe place you asked me to imagine.”

“Really?”

“Un huh. Everytime I started getting angry I imagined us here in bed like this and I calmed down again.”

“Good. You know where my safe place is?”

“Tell me.”

“You with your arms around me. Like when we said goodbye at Beaufort House.”

“When you threw yourself at me and wouldn’t let me go.”

“And you wrapped your arms around me and made me know everything would be alright.”

Sidney turned round to face her. “I didn’t want to let you go either. But if I hadn’t, I’d have started blubbing and I couldn’t let you see that.”

“God forbid. Real men don’t cry.”

“They certainly don’t,” he grinned at her.

She grinned back. “Now we’ve established we really rather like each other, are you going to show me how you’ve become a media star in my absence?”

Sidney groaned and got out of bed and Charlotte followed him into the main room. He rummaged through his desk and retrieved the newspaper with his and Eliza’s photo on the front. He passed it over and Charlotte looked at it in surprise.

“That’s Eliza?”

“Yup.”

“That’s the B!”

Sidney stared at her. “What! The woman you told me about who kept shouting at the staff?”

“The very one. I can’t believe you were married to her. She’s horrible.”

“I know,” said Sidney, sadly. “All I can say, is that when we were first together she was - nice... sweet, funny… Maybe it was losing her parents or just getting older… I don’t know. Anyway, she’s not the girl I knew when I was a boy.”

Charlotte sat down and read the newspaper article and the interviews inside.

“I know I’m biased,” she said when she’d finished, “But I think you come out of this better than she does.”

“The problem is, this isn’t going to be decided by a popularity contest.”

Charlotte didn’t answer; she was thinking. Sidney came and sat down next to her.

“I’m trying to remember…”

“Yes?”

“I overheard a conversation she was having on the phone. Just bits and pieces, but it sounded like she was having business problems.”

“Go on.”

Charlotte closed her eyes and tried to think back to that day and what she had heard. “She was arguing… Telling them she knew something was a good investment because she had grown up there. It sounded like they didn’t agree with her... That’s right! She said: “of course they wouldn’t go bankrupt” and that “she couldn’t let him win”… Do you think she was talking about Sanditon?”

Sidney looked thoughtful. “It’s possible. She did grow up there. But bankrupt…? We haven’t had a sniff of her company being in trouble. The people around her are very tight-lipped. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t keep a file of sensitive information to blackmail her employees if they step out of line. If it’s true though… Her bid is certainly way more than the estate is worth. If I were advising her, I would suggest it was a poor investment. And when we met at that reception, she certainly sounded as if all this was some kind of revenge on me leaving her… The problem is there’s no way to prove any of this. I don’t suppose you recorded the conversation?” He smiled hopefully at her.

“Unfortunately, no.” Charlotte sat thinking for a bit and then said, “Maybe you don’t have to prove it, just put it out there.”

“What do you mean?”

“If there was some type of public meeting where you and Eliza spoke and there were questions from the floor, I could then ask about rumours she was going bankrupt…”

Sidney frowned. “Would you really want to stand up and say that to her? In public? It wasn’t long ago that you would be terrified. Remember what happened with that birthday cake in New York.”

Charlotte thought back. “You’re right, I was terrified. But I'm feeling better all the time and the HRT should start working at some point.”

Sidney took her hand in his. “I couldn’t possibly ask you to put yourself through that. She’s a formidable opponent.”

“She’s certainly a difficult woman to read,” Charlotte smiled mischievously.

“What are you saying?”

Charlotte put her fingers on either side of her face and pulled, just like Susan had done for her.

“Facelift?” Sidney laughed. “I thought there was something strange about her face.” 

“Facelift and botox, apparently. Her face doesn’t move. She can’t frown or sneer at me, only shout. And I don’t think that would go down well at a public meeting.”

“But what would tempt her to come to a meeting and speak?”

“Maybe if she thought you were reluctant to face her…”

“It all sounds risky. But let me talk to John and see what he thinks.”

That evening and the next day, Charlotte’s idea became a fully formed plan. John was intrigued by the conversation that had been overheard at Beaufort House. He and Sidney had a huge file on Campion Estates’ unethical behaviour, but he didn’t think that would be enough to sway the planning committee’s decision. However, if the committee believed the company was not financially secure, that could well be the final nail in the coffin. He approached the editor of the local newspaper and asked if they would like to sponsor a public meeting on the future of Sanditon. The editor loved the idea, but instead proposed a debate between Sidney and Eliza - “a dingdong between two exes,” he said, rubbing his hands. “That’ll really bring the crowds in and sell papers!” When the proposed debate was put to Sidney, he didn’t have to feign reluctance, he genuinely shrunk from the idea. When Eliza heard about his unwillingness, she enthusiastically said she would take part. That meant Sidney had no choice but to agree as well. The date was set for ten days hence.


	10. The Debate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter and the epilogue make up for all the sadness in the first few chapters.
> 
> Just a warning - there is a sex scene that's a tad more explicit than I've written before. I hope it works - for both those who like that kind of thing and those who don't.
> 
> Thank you as always for reading and commenting. I'm sorry that some of you knew - far too well - what a lot of this story is about. As one of my characters says, menopause is a rough old time. I wish you all well and hope my tale of middle-aged Sidlotte has provided a little comfort and support.

The debate promised to be the most exciting event to be held in Sanditon for many years. It was the talk of the town and the room was certain to be packed. Both speakers had each been given thirty tickets for their supporters, the rest of the tickets would go to whoever turned up first on the night. Sidney’s tickets went to his immediate family, to John and some other supportive councillors. Winston and Gloria were coming with housing activists from London who had had previous dealings with Campion Estates. Babbers and Esther wanted to come, as did the staff and volunteers at the community centre. Finally, there were four tickets left and Charlotte had an idea who they could invite. She contacted Susan, who jumped at the chance, relishing the idea of seeing the B taken on in a public forum. She asked if she could bring some friends.

With the invitations taken care of, attention could be given to Sidney and his reluctance to enter the public spotlight.

“This is your sort of thing,” he complained to Charlotte. “I’m not a public speaker.”

“Nor am I. I used to speak in public, but only when it was a subject that I felt passionately about. All you have to do is speak from the heart. You care about the people in Sanditon. Speak to them. And smile. No one can resist you when you smile.”

Despite Charlotte’s reassurance, Sidney still felt unsure. He wrote and rewrote what he wanted to say and it never felt right. He kept up his daily drives over to Sanditon to talk to John and swim in the sea. It was gratifying the number of people who talked to him, pledging their support. But he also encountered the ’cheetahs’ who were over-excited by the prospect of the debate. He ran into Abigail again one day after his swim.

“Debating with your ex-wife in public,” she purred. “It’s quite the event. I can hardly wait!”

“Eliza gave you a ticket then?”

“Well, no, not exactly.”

“How can you not exactly have a ticket?”

“She said she was counting on me being there, but unfortunately had run out of tickets.”

Sidney smirked. “Better get there early then.”

“Oh don’t you worry about me, I’ll be there. And how are you, Sidney darling?” She cocked her head to one side in fake concern. “I see you swimming here everyday. Still being neglected by your new wife?”

Sidney’s smirk changed to a glower and he strode off back to his car.

As for Charlotte, she realised she had been over-confident when she offered to put her points to Eliza in public. She was still feeling anxious and had moments when she felt like crying. Her heart was still pounding and her stomach still full of butterflies. She had almost grown used to the idea that she could hear her heart beating; at times she was sure it could be heard by other people. However, two days before the debate was to be held, she woke up and realised her heart was silent. She even placed her hand on her chest just to check it was still there. And not just that, her stomach was quiet too, the fluttering insects had all disappeared. Her body, which had felt out of control at times, had calmed down. Perhaps the HRT was finally working. 

The following day, she noticed another change. A current was racing through her body, not just energy, but something else. It took her a moment to realise what it was and then it came to her; she was feeling desire. She laughed at herself as it couldn’t really be worse timing - it was the day before the debate. She wasn’t even sure what she would say to Sidney, after so long. She thought about Susan and her window cleaner and wondered how she had seduced him. This is ridiculous, she said to herself, I don’t need to seduce Sidney, just talk to him. But she could understand now why Susan couldn’t help herself. She hadn’t felt this horny since she’d been a teenager. She watched Sidney lick his fork and ached to be that fork; he stroked his knee and she wanted to be that knee. It was an almost unbearable sensation. Hormones again. Was she really an individual with a personality and experience, she reflected, or just a bag of hormones that directed her behaviour and moods?

As they got into bed that night, Sidney said, “I’m sorry, I’ve been so absent today. Once this stupid debate is over, we can get back to normal. God, I’m exhausted.” And with that he turned off his light and curled up on his side.

Charlotte turned her light off, but couldn’t relax. In the end she said quietly, “Sidney, are you awake?”

“Hmmph,”

“Ok, sorry.”

“What is it?”

“Are you _very_ tired?” 

He was, but her question seemed interesting. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s just that, you know, that dryness thing, I think…”

He turned over, wide awake now. “Are you sure?”

“No, but I haven’t felt like finding out and the thing is, I kind of want to see now if maybe…”

Sidney said softly, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know you don’t, but we can try and see together if I’m ready. I’m sorry, this is really bad timing. You need to sleep and I…” But she couldn’t finish what she was saying because Sidney was kissing her with all the love and desire that spoke of how much he had missed her. She felt his warm hand slide up her back and then cup her breast. As his thumb slowly stroked her nipple and his lips moved down to kiss her just behind her ear she managed to gasp, “You remember what I like then?” 

“I remember everything.” And he proceeded to show her that indeed he did. Everywhere he kissed or stroked felt exquisitely responsive; wherever her hands or lips touched his body, they felt divinely sensitive.

Eventually, he said softly, “Shall I see if you’re really ready?”

Barely able to speak by now, Charlotte pushed Sidney’s hand down between her legs. His fingers slipped in easily and Charlotte’s moan of pleasure told them both that the dryness had now gone. He brought her to the point where she couldn’t bear it anymore and then she felt like she had split in two and was being turned inside out. Sidney entered her and the pleasure continued in wave after wave of warmth and bright lights and exhilaration. She’d never known an orgasm so intense or one that went on for so long. They broke apart, both gasping for breath.

“What did you just do to me!” said Charlotte.

“It was good, then?”

“Better than good.”

“As good for you as it was for me?”

“Better.”

“Not possible.”

They grinned at each other and then Sidney said, “Charlotte, I know I’ve said this before but, I have _really_ missed you.” 

“Well, I’m back now and, it seems, super-charged.”

When he woke up the following morning, Sidney felt like a man renewed. It was as if they had fallen in love all over again and the sensation was exhilarating. He ripped up his notes for the debate and wrote exactly what he wanted to say. In the end it wasn’t difficult; he knew his town, its history and what it needed. His anxiety had gone and he found he was almost looking forward to the event. He and Charlotte spent the day together; the morning in bed, making up for lost time, and the afternoon walking and talking as they had done when they first got together. They walked up and down their field of grapevines, planning what needed to be done and thinking about their future wine-making plans. By the time they were ready to set off for Sanditon, they were both happy and relaxed. Just before they left, Charlotte went into the bedroom and came out with the necklace Sidney had bought her for her birthday. “Will you put this on for me?”

“Not scared you’ll lose it anymore?” he smiled.

Charlotte shook her head and when he attached the clasp and kissed her neck, she melted back into his chest. “Do you think anyone would notice if we didn’t go tonight?” he whispered, his arms tight around her.

“Unfortunately, I think they probably would,” she said. 

As they walked into the Assembly Rooms, where the debate was being held, they saw Eliza arriving with a cluster of men in suits. 

“Sidney,” she said but looked at Charlotte.

“Can I introduce you? This is my wife, Charlotte Heywood. Charlotte, Eliza Campion.”

Charlotte put out her hand. “I believe we’ve already met,” she said.

Eliza ignored the proffered hand and said, “You do look vaguely familiar. How do I know you?”

“Beaufort House. I had the room next to yours.”

“Yes. I remember now.” There was a frown in her voice, if not on her face.

“Eliza! I’m here!” came a voice at that moment. It was Abigail Evans bustling towards them. 

Sidney whispered to Charlotte, “Let’s go.” 

As they turned away, they heard Eliza hiss, “You said his wife was frumpy!”

Charlotte looked at Sidney, wide-eyed. “They’ve been talking about me?” she said as they walked into the main room.

“Apparently so. I don’t think you’re quite what she expected.”

The room was filling up. Charlotte waved at Henry, Alicia and Jenny and took a seat near the front, next to Gloria. Sidney shook hands with the people who had come to support him and then went up onto the stage. Charlotte felt a hand squeeze her shoulder and when she turned round, there was Susan.

“Well, this is exciting,” she said kissing Charlotte fondly on the cheek. “This is my friend, Tony Babcock.”

Charlotte looked at the man seated next to Susan. He was very distinguished, with a thatch of grey hair and piercing blue eyes. 

“Very pleased to meet you,” he said. 

“Tony’s driver brought us down in the Rolls, so we had room for another couple of friends,” said Susan. She indicated two other women who were taking their seats along the row. Charlotte could see their diamonds sparkling from where she was sitting. “They are not big fans of the B,” confided Susan. “And their titles intimidate her. Now, tell me, is that very handsome man on the stage your husband?”

Charlotte nodded.

Susan lent in and whispered in her ear, “And has his stamina been put to the test yet?”

Charlotte giggled and nodded again.

“Good girl. You see what I mean now?”

And Charlotte had to admit that indeed she did.

The master of ceremonies for the evening, the editor of the local paper, then called the meeting to order. He welcomed them all, introduced the two speakers and invited Eliza to speak first. She rose and walked to the lectern. 

“Thank you all for coming tonight,” she began. “I want to tell you about my vision for Sanditon. It’s not a new vision, it’s the vision that Tom Parker had for the town when he decided to turn it from a fishing village into a fashionable resort, over two hundred years ago…” She continued in this vein, depicting a town of wealthy visitors, high-end shops, and prosperity for all. She finished by saying, “If I receive planning permission from the council, I will refurbish the Denham estate, creating luxury flats as I have done in London, homes that will attract the most desirable people in society. In addition, we will build 75 low-cost homes to buy or rent, for - let it never be said - that I don’t care about the neediest members of our community.”

There was a round of applause, more enthusiastic in some areas of the room than in others. Then it was Sidney’s turn. He stood at the lectern and looked over at Charlotte, who locked eyes with him and smiled encouragingly. He smiled back. Susan lent forward and whispered in Charlotte’s ear, “Oh my, he could charm the devil with that smile.”

Sidney began, “My ancestor, Tom Parker, did have a vision for Sanditon. But I admit that his vision was greater than his abilities. Family history tells us he did not pay his workers nor did he insure his buildings. Furthermore, he accepted investment from another of my ancestors who made his money from the work of slaves. This is _my_ family history, but not one that needs to be inflicted on you. A lot has changed in the past two hundred years. For one thing, I am not standing before you in breeches and a frock coat.” There was a ripple of laughter. “Sanditon has had its ups and downs - and for many years there have been more downs than ups. My vision for the town is not some rose-tinted view of the past. I want the people who already live in Sanditon to have the high quality homes they deserve. Our biggest problem is the lack of affordable homes for local people. A warm secure home for a reasonable amount of money is the foundation for a productive and happy life. I am delighted to have provided many of these homes, but they have not been enough. Now that the Denham estate is available, we have the chance to house everyone properly. With proper homes, our local people can flourish and create the prosperity this town needs. Sanditon is a wonderful town and I am proud to be from here. Thank you.”

As the applause mounted, Sidney looked again at Charlotte. She was beaming with pride. It was all he needed. He sat back down again and the chairman stood up to ask for comments and questions from the audience, requesting that contributors identify themselves first. Susan was the first to put up her hand to speak. 

“I’m Lady Worcester,” she began. There was a stir in the room - people were unused to having titled ladies in their town. “I was interested in what you had to say, Mrs Campion, about the beginnings of Sanditon as a fashionable resort. I believe that one of my ancestors also visited this town, but was not interested in purchasing one of the apartments on offer. It is said that if she were to live by the sea she would live in Brighton. With no disrespect to your charming town, I do believe that the gentry of London still feel that way.”

Susan was followed by one of her friends, who had a long running dispute with Campion Estates. Her complaints were echoed a thousand-fold by one of the London housing activists. Councillor John Sutton then summarised his and Sidney’s research that Campion Estates rarely kept their promises regarding low-cost housing.

Charlotte had to hand it to Eliza; she dealt with all these points as smoothly as any politician. She was sympathetic to the complainants, asking them to speak with her afterwards, sure that all their issues could be sorted out; and ready with glib explanations and false statistics to deal with any challenges to her company’s behaviour. And, just like a politician, she had a number of attack dogs ready to turn the audience around to her favour. 

“Mr Parker, you say you love Sanditon and are proud to be from here - and yet you don’t live here…”

“Sidney, isn’t it true you like to portray yourself as someone who looks out for the unfortunate of our town - but you’re actually a very wealthy man whose family has made a fortune from the people of Sanditon...?

And this, from an angry young woman: “You pride yourself on providing housing for the poor, but I’m poor and you had me and the kiddies kicked out on the street!”

“It’s a disgrace!” was the comment that came from several parts of the room.

Charlotte could see Sidney losing his temper under this series of attacks. He was no politician nor had any desire to act like one. She caught his eye and gestured with her hands to calm down. She saw him take a deep breath and face his accusers. 

“I lived in Sanditon most of my life and only recently moved just outside town - to Willinden - for family reasons… Yes, I have made money from property in Sanditon, but not extravagant sums. The Parkers have both made and lost money over the centuries we have been associated with the town… As you know Ms Siddons, you were asked to leave because you racially harassed your elderly neighbour over a period of several months.” 

Sidney looked over at Charlotte who smiled at him and nodded, indicating he had done well. 

Charlotte felt it was probably a good moment for her to ask her question. Not so long ago, she would have been panicking and desperate to run away, now she felt completely calm. She had the opportunity to change the future by what she said next - and she found that exciting. She stuck her hand up and the woman with the roving mike hurried over to her.

“Charlotte Heywood,” she said. “What do you say, Mrs Campion, to rumours that your company is about to go bankrupt?”  


There was a collective intake of breath from the audience. 

“That’s an absolute lie and fabrication!” said Eliza.

“But you were advised that your bid was too high, isn’t that true? And that this was actually a very poor investment?”

“Nonsense!”

“Isn’t it also true that you ignored your financial advisors, because all you are really interested in is publicly humiliating your ex-husband for having the temerity to leave you?”

The room was in uproar at this. Sidney stared at his wife in admiration. Gloria grabbed Charlotte’s arm saying, “I can’t believe you just said that!” 

Susan squeezed her shoulder and whispered, “Atta girl!”

The chairman waved his arms trying to settle the crowd down. When there was quiet again, he turned to Eliza and said, “Is there anything you’d like to say?”

For once, Eliza seemed lost for words. Eventually she said rather flatly, “I’ve never heard such nonsense in all my life...” 

But the damage was done. There were no more questions or comments and the meeting broke up. Eliza stormed off the stage and into a huddle with her staff. Sidney strode over to Charlotte and swept her up in his arms. 

“You were magnificent!” he said. 

“I actually rather enjoyed that,” she said, laughing.

There were handshakes and slaps on backs amongst Sidney’s friends, family and supporters. Susan and Tony, as they preferred to be called, insisted on taking everyone to The Crown and buying them drinks. 

“I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in years,” said the Earl of Kent as he handed Sidney his pint. 

John and Sidney tried to insert a note of caution. “This doesn’t mean anything," said Sidney. “It’s still up to the planning committee to decide.”

“But it was so much fun!” said Esther. “Who knew Charlotte could be so sly?”

“Yes,” said Gloria. “Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you, girl!”

Charlotte laughed and said, “You have nothing to worry about on that score. ‘Sly Charlotte’ came out for one day only.”

On the drive home, Sidney said, “What would your younger right-on self have said if they could see you now - with friends who are ladies and earls.”

“I know! Life is strange.” There was a pause and then she said, “What do you think will happen now?”

“I don’t know. My new best friend, Tony...” he chuckled, “told me he heard a whisper that Eliza’s company has overextended itself. He is happy to spread the rumour that she is on the verge of bankruptcy.”

“Oh god, that’s how things work, isn’t it? Old boys’ club and their whispers and rumours. I almost feel sorry for Eliza. It can’t be easy being a woman in that world.”

“Don’t feel too sorry for her. Her husband, the late Mr Campion? Apparently he was previously married to the Earl’s sister - and Eliza didn’t stop until she had stolen him from her.”

“Really? So that’s why Susan hates her so much. She never said. Ok, I don’t feel sorry for her at all. In fact, I think she’s a very stupid woman. I mean, she was married to you, the very best husband any woman could have, and she didn’t cherish you like she should have. How foolish is that?” She looked over at Sidney and grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to click 'Next Chapter' for the Epilogue!


	11. Epilogue: New York, New York

A couple of days later, Susan phoned to say that the gentlemen’s clubs of London were abuzz with rumours that Campion Estates was about to go bankrupt. And a couple of days after that, John got in touch to say that the company had withdrawn both their planning application and their bid to buy the Denham estate. 

“Everything’s back to normal,” said Sidney, throwing himself down on the sofa next to Charlotte. “The Denham estate has accepted my bid and I’ve been assured that planning permission will be just a formality.”

“Does that mean you’re going to be ridiculously busy again?”

“Not immediately, no. Why?”

“It’s just that our anniversary is quite soon…” said Charlotte.

“So it is. A whole two years of married bliss.”

“It hasn’t always been blissful though, has it? Especially these past few months. So I’d like to suggest something.”

“Go on,” said Sidney

“How would you feel about going to New York for a week to celebrate.”

“New York? I’d have thought you’d never want to think about that place again.”

“But that’s just it. I’d wanted to go there for so long and now it just has bad memories. Would you mind going again? Replacing the bad memories with good ones? And we can help Coralie pack up. I didn’t really spend much time with her before.”

“If that’s what you really want to do,” said Sidney. “Then let’s go.”

This time, they planned the trip together. Although Charlotte assured him that her energy levels were back to normal, Sidney splashed out on seats in business class, so the trip wouldn’t be too exhausting. “Apparently I’m loaded, after exploiting the good folk of Sanditon for so long. So I might as well use some of my ill-gotten gains to spoil my wife,” he said. “And women who swan around with the aristocracy always travel business class, don’t you know.”

They stayed in a different hotel this time, but still in downtown Manhattan with an amazing view of skyscrapers all around. The weather was cooler than it had been before, although still pleasantly warm. They retraced their steps to Battery Park, to take the ferry out to the Statue of Liberty. On the way to the park, Charlotte again looked up - and this time, instead of the tall buildings making her feel scared, she enjoyed the sensation of being dwarfed by these awe-inspiring structures. In the boat, she looked back at the New York skyline - as if for the first time - and was dazzled. They disembarked at the Statue of Liberty and enjoyed walking around the island and staring up at the colossal woman and her torch - imagining what it must have been like for the boatloads of immigrants, who saw her when they arrived. 

Sidney said that he had wanted to take Charlotte on a carriage ride around Central Park. “I thought it would be romantic,” he said. “But you weren’t in the mood for romance last time.”

Charlotte indicated she was keen for any and all romantic gestures Sidney cared to bestow. So, one evening they climbed into a carriage at the entrance to the park and set off. When the horse raised its tail and manured the path halfway through the ride, they both held their noses and laughed and agreed that maybe it wasn’t the most romantic outing they’d ever had. 

They spent a couple of afternoons and evenings with Coralie. They went to the bar she had chosen for Charlotte’s birthday, back in June and - as they drank martinis and listened to a jazz quartet - they felt they were really experiencing New York as they hadn’t the first time round. Coralie was entranced by the story of the ‘fight for Sanditon’ and loved Charlotte’s part in Eliza’s downfall. “Do you think you’ll come in contact with her again?” she asked and Sidney shook his head, saying, “I doubt we’ve seen the last of her. But for the moment, she’s out of our hair.” 

The hormonal surge Charlotte had so enjoyed, the night before the debate, had calmed down but her libido was fully restored. When she claimed she still needed a rest from time to time, Sidney soon discovered - to his delight - this was a euphemism for another sort of pastime, which often did end in a little snooze. This was how they chose to spend the afternoon of their anniversary, before heading out for an evening of dinner and dancing. 

As they lay entwined in bed, looking across at the view, Charlotte said, “So, Mr Parker, two years down and many more still to come. What do you think those years have in store for us?”

“I have no idea, Miss Heywood.” He smiled at his wife. “All I know is that if we stick together we can do anything.”

“It’s a good feeling, isn’t it?”

“The best,” said Sidney, and then he showed her how much he loved her, all over again.

THE END for now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there may well be a fourth instalment of this saga - you don't think Eliza's going to take this defeat lying down, do you? I've started writing it - it's called 'Eliza's Revenge' - and if I think it's good enough, I'll post it here.


End file.
